pockets full of roses [ a markiplier alter-ego fanfic ]

1. the break up was only the beginning

"Listen," Mark said gently, combing his hand through his ebony hair. It was long and disheveled. His eyes were red and puffy. Recently, I had heard him mumble things in his sleep. He hadn't had much of that lately, "I need a break. I need some time. I need to just..."

He looked over at me, those beautifully passionate eyes I had fallen in love with fading into a dull shade of uncertainty. Something was wrong.

"Mark," I pursed my lips together, nervous about the conversation ahead. I knew where this was going, I knew where it was leading. But I couldn't just let go, "I think you need to relax for a while. You don't seem like you're doing okay. Maybe you just need to breathe and..."

I sighed. Truthfully, I didn't know what to do. He had been acting distant these past few days. He would never tell me why, but I had my suspicions. It could be another girl, that wouldn't really shock me. He was never a cheater, but he could definitely find someone better than me.

Even with that in mind, I wanted to make it work. 

I wanted to make us work. 

"I can't." Mark whispered quietly, hands covering his eyes in silence. I walked over to the edge of the bed and sat next to him. My eyes filled with tears, but I stayed composed. 

"We can work through this. I don't know what's going on, but I'm always here for you. I love you." I laid my hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away. Angry eyes met mine.

"Don't touch me."

Shock from his rejection shook through my body. My hand retracted completely and quiet tears slid down my cheeks. I took in a deep, shaky breath. 

"Give me thirty minutes. Then, I'll be out of your hair."

He never said anything to me after that. 

A day like today was usually my favorite day. The approaching cold of the winter was coming closer, but it wasn't chilly enough for multiple layers. A pair of leggings and a thick sweatshirt were my favorite things to wear in these last couple days of November. I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with Mark since my family lived far away, but plans had changed, obviously. I spent the holiday watching couples walk down the street, hand in hand. I don't know why I felt that would be good for me, but it wasn't.

I kept my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt. Now, the thought of winter made me cling to myself more. When it finally got here, it would only remind me of how alone I felt.

We broke up one week ago. I packed the few things that I had at his apartment and took one last look at him in his bedroom, barely clinging to the man I remembered him to be.

There was one time Mark had bought a small projector and invited me over to his apartment. When he showed it to me, I had absolutely no idea what he was wanting to do with it. We crawled onto his bed and I watched him toy with it for a little while. He said he wouldn't let me help him, but he said it with a smile on his face.

After a few glances at the instructions and figuring out how to plug up one of his old handheld speakers to it, the projector clicked on. He moved the projection up to the ceiling and turned up the speaker. That night, I stayed in his arms watching romance movie after romance movie. It was cheesy, but the way he nuzzled into me made me feel like the only girl in the world. 

That was one of my favorite memories with him. Now though, it makes my heart shrink in my chest a little. 

The leaves under my feet crunch loudly. I want to focus on the beautiful colors of fall, like I always loved, but everything feels a little different. After a yellow leaf found itself in my pile of belongings I carried out of Mark's place, I don't know if I can say that yellow is still my favorite color. 

I passed by a few college kids playing football out in the courtyard of the dorms. One of them fell into a pile of leaves and his buddies jumped in and joined him, dog-piling him. Their laughter echoed down the street, and I smiled a little. 

I continued my walk, focusing on the crunch under my feet to distract me, until I ended up at my dorm's entrance. I scanned my card and went through the door, the cabin theme inviting me in. 

The foyer of my dorm had green carpet: atrocious, but the fireplace in the back was the thing that always attracted me to the area. For the most part, nobody was over there unless it was snowing and we were all trapped inside. I took a deep breath, relieved that no one was sitting on the couches. I took off the backpack I had been carrying and laid it down on the seat next to me. I kicked my feet up, pulled my hoodie over my head, and opened up a book I was almost halfway through. I didn't have a bookmark to mark the pages, so I would usually just memorize where I left off. Bookmarks ruined the immersion for me. 

When I turned to my most recent page, a yellow leaf was tucked inside. I paused, emotion reigning over my focus to complete the story. I picked up the leaf and turned it over. It was shaped like a heart, how romantic. 

I sat there, confused for a few moments until I scoffed. Tears sat at the corners of my eyes, but I wiped them away. I exhaled.

"Thanks, universe. Really funny."

I crumbled up the leaf, satisfied by the sound, and tossed it into the fireplace.