Low // KELLIC

2

I think walking down the main hallway at school has to be my least favorite part of every day. I see all the students with their friends, hugging because they hadn't seen each other since the last class, laughing at the jokes they would tell each other, boyfriends and girlfriends saying cute things to each other.

I used to be like all of them. I used to be happy and love interacting with people. I was a normal teenager with the world at my feet, with hopes and ambitions. Now, I walk down the hallways alone, trying to push the jealousy away. Now, I don't have those hopes and ambitions. Now I can' even see a future past Friday. I want to be like them. I want to be full of life. Yet, on the other hand, I just want to be dead.

All I want is to stop existing. It's not like anyone would miss me or notice I'm gone. I once went a whole week skipping school. I'd go down to a small park that not many people visited and I would sit there all day writing or listening to music. No kids at school noticed. Jim and Susan didn't notice. My teachers did however notice after a week of not showing up and they threatened to tell Jim and Susan if I didn't get my act together, and that was the only reason why I was showing up to school right now, so I didn't get into any unnecessary trouble. Things are bad enough at how as it is.

I walked into the cafeteria like I did every day. My school is a fairly strict one where they won't let us leave during recess. They like to contain us in one room so they can supervise us like children. I never ate lunch though, just because I never seemed to have an appetite. I skipped past the lunch line and went straight to my usual table in the back corner, sitting there and enduring time passing until I'd finally be let go to my next class. I just wanted this day to be over already.

I sat there like I usually did every day, listening to my iPod and playing games on my phone. Something different happened today thought. Today someone actually approached me, and not just any someone, it was Vic, and a couple of other people. I took my headphones out and sat up straighter, anxiety already building in me. Why are they here? Of course, straight away I thought they were going to mock me or do something else bad to me, but Vic's smile told me otherwise.

"Hey, Kellin. Can we sit?" Vic asked.

I looked from him to his friends. He was with three guys and two girls. Two of the guys, the one with messy, scraggly hair and the one with piercing in his lip, I knew them, only because we've gone to the same school for years. They were Jaime and Tony. The other guy, I didn't know. The two girls I recognized too; Jessica and Stephanie.

"I guess," I said.

Vic sat across from me while all the others filled up the other spots around the table. Jaime sat next to me.

"What do you guys want?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't know. You looked kind of lonely so I thought we'd give you some company. I guess you know the others?" he asked.

I looked around at them and they gave awkward smiles. They were among the people that outcast me. Sure, they didn't actually say anything to me, they just went along with the crowd.

"Yeah, not you though," I said to the one boy I didn't recognize.

"Oh, that's just my brother, Mike," Vic said.

Mike said 'hi' and I simply nodded. This was such an awkward situation. Why did Vic think this was a good idea? I don't know what to say to these people.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you guys, my parents gave me the green light to have a party after graduation this Friday night," Jaime told the group.

I cringed at the mention of graduation. On the one hand, I couldn't wait, because that's also the day I turn eighteen, which is also when I want to end my life because I can't see it going beyond then. Sure, I could end it before then, but tragic poetic side of me loved the beauty of dying on my birthday. Anyway, on the other hand, graduation looming scared the hell out of me because I wasn't sure if I could actually go through with killing myself.