Sweet Disaster

Chapter 5 Little Miss Know it all

“I could have just cooked something.”                                                                            “No, Tee’s passed his exam, he’s been dodging me for weeks to study. I had to force him to come. I know you think he’s this big bad wolf because he fucks every girl with a pulse but he’s a really cool guy. He helped me get this place.” The front door knocked and I huffed. Tarquin had helped Conner get this house, what connections did he have? “Go get it, it’s Tee.” Tarquin looked so sad when I opened the door. “Hey.” He walked straight past me and sat on the sofa. I didn’t know whether to join him. I didn’t know if we were still not talking. I stood by the door fidgeting. He must have noticed I was uneasy. “You ok Rubs.” I nodded. Conner hugged Tarquin. “You alright mate.” Tarquin patted Conner’s back. I’d never seen him this affectionate towards anyone who wasn’t me before. Conner slipped his heel into his trainer. “I’ll be right back, I need to go collect something and get dinner. I should be half an hour max.”

The door closed behind him and I had the sudden urge to run upstairs and get lost in a book. If it hadn’t been for Tarquin’s desolate expression I probably would have. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down on the sofa. “What’s wrong?” I rested my hand on his shoulder. “Tarquin? Is it Maddi, have you two fallen out?” He finally looked at me but it was a look of disbelief. He glared at me and I felt scared to be alone with him. Tarquin had a dark side. He laughed and the room was filled with a pungent whisky smell. He’d been drinking. “I have more important things in my life to worry about then that little slut.” I genuinely felt bad for Maddi, how could he talk about her like that? She clearly had a different view on their ‘relationship.’ Tarquin pulled a beer out of his pocket. It hissed when he opened it before he chugged it down. If it wasn’t Maddi, what was his problem, he’d aced his test?

Being the accommodating host I was. I went to the kitchen and poured Tarquin a glass of water. Whatever it was that made him need to drink. I didn’t think I needed to know and he probably didn’t want to share it with me. But a hangover helps no one. “Your Mum’s dead right?” His question froze me, my fingers tightened around the glass. “Yes.” I managed, “yes she is.” He laughed. My heart stopped, was he laughing at me, the fact that I missed her and opened up about it? Outraged I slammed his water on the table next to his beer can. “How do you and Connor manage? You’re both so happy. When does the emptiness go away?” I faced my fears and sat on the sofa next to him. My hand found his shoulder in a comforting stroke that I know did nothing, the touch of someone’s hand however gentle would not bring his mother back. “Tarquin, has your Mum died?” He laughed again. Was he mocking me? Surely he couldn’t be that cruel. “Years ago, but it still feels like yesterday…I still remember the day. I remember the weird things; like what everyone was wearing, the pie in the oven, the smell of her perfume, I needed to pee, badly and the ambulance, when the ambulance came they refused to let me see her. I felt like never got to say goodbye.”                   “Your Mum loved you Tarquin and she knew you loved her.” Tarquin shrugged me off violently. “Did she? How the fuck would you know?” Tarquin was right I didn’t know her. I was spewing the lines you use to comfort someone. I knew these words meant nothing, having been on the receiving end numerous times. They were just what you said instead of ‘she’s gone. She’s not coming back deal with it.’ “What do you want me to say Tarquin, she’s your mother why wouldn’t she love you?” We sat in silence, anger radiating from him. “You’re so complicated.” I stood up and took Tarquin’s nearly empty beer can into the kitchen. I poured the remains into the sink. “I wasn’t finished.” He whinged as the liquid flowed down the sink. “There’s water on the table, try that and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.”

“She killed herself. My Mum killed herself.” I dropped the can in the sink and turned to see Tarquin in the kitchen doorway. “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t comprehend what would drive someone to kill themselves. I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel about my Mum if she killed herself. Sometimes I was angry at her for leaving us and she’d had no say in the matter, but to know she knew she was going to leave and purposely left us to fend for ourselves. “Don’t look at me like that.” He bellowed, Tarquin was thundering towards me, I backed into the fridge, as if the sturdiness would protect me from the blows he looked like he was going to lay into me. I swallowed. Tarquin was towering over me, gazing intently, his nostrils were flaring. He was so scary. I closed my eyes and he slammed his fist into the fridge, I squealed and opened them. “What did I do? What did I ever do to you Ruby?” My brows furrowed. “Me?” I thought we were talking about his Mum committing suicide. “Yes you, you look at me like the dirt you scraped off your shoe. You turned me down in front of your classmates, you hope dick falls off. Tell me what did I ever do to you, why do you hate me?”