Lions and Lambs

Chapter 14

A/N I don't usually do this, but I found a song for this chapter that I find very fitting- Adagio for strings op 11

Sabine drudged through memories coated in layers of oil and blood; Step-mother roughly bathing her and her step sisters early in the morning before school; father reading his newspaper by the dim firelight, doing his best to ignore the daughter that he hadn't meant to have; her eldest step sister sitting behind her, combing the thick tangled strands of her dark hair. 

The memories came with a gentle whisper from that creature in the back of her mind. These words consoled and emphasized, they urged her to sink deep into herself and remember these things, but in a way that was just as painful as the insatiable urge to destroy the room around her.

Beyond that foreign whisper, a smaller though stronger voice repeated the words over and over again: guilty, guilty, guilty. This, she recognized as herself.

#

The smell was growing difficult to manage, and she knew that had she been in her right mind, it would have driven her mad to be so unkempt. Her long hair tangled around her face and at the back of her head so terribly that she thought it would suffocate her, but in some ways it felt like an additional blocade against others on the few occasions that she ventured from her room.

Those excursions grew farther and farther apart until three days passed and she had only risen to go to the bathroom. Logically, this state of mind befuddled even herself, but her head ached too much to wrestle with it, so she lay prone in her bed with only the iron ring to keep her company.

It was the beginning of the fourth week when the door to her room burst open in a sudden flurry of light and air. Sabine forced herself to move from the bed as she squinted towards the light and was shocked to see Cassian looming in the doorway. His face was twisted into a sneer that showed more emotion than she'd ever seen from the man.

"Enough of this," he snapped. She watched in shock as he stormed across the room and tore the blanket from her bed. "Get up."

"Excuse me?" she stuttered, her voice hoarse.

"Do not play deaf," he snapped. "I am sick of being your maidservant. Get up and go get your own food."

Sabine was too stupefied to do anything but stare at him, her hands pale and drawn tight to her chest. She hadn't seen him quite so animated since when- since he'd- no. She would not think of that now. Instead, she forced herself to stand on weak legs, and followed him from the room.

When they emerged on deck, she was shocked to see that it was bright outside, the sun glaring down on them and the navy blue sea as they bobbed along in an expanse of solitude. Cassian did not pause to let her catch up, so she hurried after his long stride, barely even noticing the fact that no shadows clung to him at the moment.

The dining area was crowded with people, and it took all of Sabine's willpower not to clap her hands over her ears and cower. She followed dutifully to the line of passengers waiting for a piece of hard bread and some salted fish, her eyes glued to the floor so as to avoid unwanted gazes. Neither she nor Cassian said a word to anybody as they inched down the line and received their plates. Sabine followed him to an empty table in the corner where he sat, his eyes scanning the room without pause.

For the first time, she noticed an air of paranoia surrounding him that she had been too occupied to see earlier. His impenetrable gaze darted around the room like a caged beast as he took small bites from the food on his plate, barely even acknowledging Sabine's existence.