From Books I've Never Wrote

The Words of a Frightened Lover

"I want to love. I want love so fucking bad." She claimed. Her words trembled, her heart raced and her body slightly shook. Her eyes were clouded by pain, regardless of how well she attempted to conceal it.

It was too late, the emotions she had forced to be bottled up were now exploding and she had no control over it.

"Then why do you reject it?" He questioned angrily, his voice was laced with confusion and desperation. His eyes traced her face looking for answers that she had forbidden to be answered for a long time. "Why do you reject it if you are so desperate for it?!"

"Because I don't deserve it!" Her voiced croaked in a foreign tone to her. Emotions clogging her words. "I didn't love those who loved me whenever they needed me most. I let my own selfishness and self-doubt push me away from the people who needed me. I let people down because I was too damn oblivious to how they were feeling. I didn't show people I loved them even though they deserved all the love in the world! I don't deserve it because I had never given it away!"

Giving up on her own voice to say the words that acted as venom within her own mind, she began to retreat. Her body moving without any realization as to what it was doing. Pain-filled tears crept down her once pale face and the heat of her emotions began to build throughout her body. She walked away... again.