Nicotine

Two

Last night I double checked with Kathryn if i was allowed to have an hour of free reign. To my dismay she said yes. It's not that I didn't want to get to know the boy, I was afraid. I didn't know what would happen if I let him get to know me. I've never been a person who could trust easily, so I'll just have to avoid what I can.

Kathryn warned me earlier that it was warm outside. I couldn't see out of the window in my room because it had crossed bars over it. I'm just glad that we are allowed in the yard, of course there is security all over the goddamn place, but hey we're in a mental rehabilitation place, what would you expect. I like that this place isn't a full on mental ward, this place is nicer, it gives us a bit of freedom.

I put on a pair of black shorts that I'm pretty sure I have warn out by now, and an oversized red flannel. I don't know what to do with my fucked up hair, so I just put it in a neat bun.

I check the time on the clock that is on my wall and see it is about three minutes to noon I decide to head for the court yard now. There isn't anybody down there except for the guards. I'm guessing that they are lucky enough to actually have people come to visit them.

I sigh to myself.

I see the accent boy approach me and take a seat beside me on top on the picnic table.

"Good morning Lena." He beams.

"It's afternoon." I remind him.

"Hush yourself child."

"Child?" I fake gasp, "we are probably the same age."

"I'm eighteen." He informs me.

"See we are almost the same age." My tone was a bit sarcastic.

"Seventeen?"

"Yeah, eighteen soon though."

"When?"

"July 23." I answer.

"That's close to mine."

I nod my head and he tells me the date, I think. I wasn't really paying attention.

"I just need to say something to you before you want to be my friend." I begin. The boy just nods.

"I'm a shitty friend. I will barley pay attention to what you're saying, and when I do pay attention I will probably forget. A lot of things I don't care about. I have the attention span of a squirrel. I suck at giving advice. I suck at helping people, because I couldn't even help myself. I suck at having somebody els in my life. I'm a shitty friend, I don't even remember your name. I'm really sorry. I'm a shitty friend and I'm a shitty person. I don't do anything fun, all I do is sit and listen to music hoping one day I'll get the news that I can leave. I never do because I'm barley making progress. I'm not fun, so if you're my friend you probably won't have any fun. I don't do much, and I suck at socialising. So there, I warned you."

He laughs a bit. I'm confused.

"That is completely understandable. Also, you aren't a shitty friend or person. You are you, and that's the best you can be. You must be doing right, because I'm here and I don't think you're a shitty person. I want to be your friend. Your flaws don't matter. Everybody has them and everybody deals with them in different ways. I want to be your friend, but if you don't want to be mine that is understandable. I'm shit at being a person."

"No, you're not shit at being a person. In the entire time that I have been here I haven't smiled once. Then you came. That was the first time I smiled in a long while. Shit people don't make other people smile, they make them sad. Trust me I would know, I've been around enough of them." I tell him in full honesty.

I don't know why I'm acting like this. I don't know why I'm opening up to him. I don't know why I'm trusting him. I don't know why none of this is making sense.

"You didn't deserve to be around those shit people. You deserve better. From what I've come to know about you, is that you're a great person and how great you are, even with your flaws. You deserve to be treated how you treat the world. Now don't go saying 'but I hate the world and everybody in it' bullshit. Yes that may be true, but you know when compassion, care, and love is needed. You know how to be there when somebody needs you."

"How do you know all of this? you just met me a few days ago." I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Well, I know a guy who use to know you and he would always tell me great things about you." He answers my question.

I smile a bit. "Now, what did you say your name was?"

"Ashton. My name is Ashton."

{un edited; Nov 10}