1 in 4 women struggle with infertility and infant loss. It is a staggering number, many women experience miscarriage,stillbirth and infant loss, yet it is not talked about, we women hide in the shadow of our sorrow. We do not want our grief to show on the outside, we do not want the world to know we are struggling with the loss of our child. We do not want the world to know we are in pain.
But our thoughts of 'what ifs' plague us everyday. We imagine the life inside of us that almost was. We build our life and their life in our minds only for reality to tear through our dreams and land us flat on our face. We miss with all of our hearts a person that never got to be. We blame our body for failing us, not alerting us that something was wrong, not keeping that baby safe.
Why me? Why my baby? Others that know of your loss know you hurt but they feel helpless. It is not a public show of grief you sit quietly at home grieving the loss of your baby.
Grief is not easy to decipher, it is different for every person. Each individual both husband and wife, mother and father will grieve differently. Just because your friend has also gone through this does not mean you will grieve your loss the same way. Most want us to sweep it under the rug, comments of 'don't worry you can have another' or 'maybe it wasn't meant to be' fill the mouths of family and friends. Your life is expected to go back to the way it was, your job, your family, your life is waiting for you , grief must only be felt in times of silence in times alone.
Before December of 2018 none of this had ever occurred to me. The feelings we bury inside after the loss of our child. The excitement of pregnancy, adding to your family, a new sibling for your oldest can all be torn apart by the words 'there is no heartbeat'
