Avalanche ~ Nemi (Sequel to Keep Holding On)

1.

I looked through my window, it was dawn ... I turned to look at my side and I found her sleeping. The clock read 5:45 a.m. June, 3rd. Monday.

Would you like to know what I do awake at this time? I would also like to know. For a couple of months my life has changed, many of my fans say that I no longer look happy; but I am ... or at least I try to be every day.

"Why don't you light up like you did before?" "You're old" "Your eyes look empty" "Why don't you laugh anymore?" I hear those phrases every day, I would lie if I said that I don't know what made me change so radically, I know why it happened ...

Almost 5 months ago I lost my sunshine, nothing bad happened to her; she just disappeared from my life and it's the worst thing she could have done to me. I don't even know if she's happy even though I see her videos and photos on Instagram. Sometimes my friends tell me that there are days when my inner light seems to return to me, those are the days when I see updates of her life.

I've gone to different therapists and nobody's been able to get me out of the dark place where I currently am... probably because I don't want to leave it. I have no motivation to do so; I know that even though I return to be my old self, I won't be able to see her.

I guess I took her for granted. I thought we would always be close, that we were fine but everything ends in life, that's what everyone says, right?

There isn't a single day in which I don't miss her, in which I don't regret not having the courage to tell Priyanka the truth. Damn the moment those words came out of my mouth.

My life changed by her absence. My life changed because I no longer have the only person who made life happy.

She; Even if we fought sometimes, even if we didn't see each other for weeks, although we didn't always act like best friends; She was my reason to smile. Shit, yes, shit ... my life is a routine now, it has no color, I don't even feel myself. There's always something around me that reminds me of her, especially her music, I can't stop listening to her songs ... Joe told me that it's probably because I miss her voice, it's true.

Every morning I wake up wanting to find a message from her and every night I go to sleep with her chat opened on my cell phone because I am consumed by the desire to send her a text telling her that I miss her, that I need her in my life, that I don't find happiness if I don't hear her voice or laughter.

I'm so sorry for the life I'm giving to Priyanka and I'm grateful that she continues to be by my side. I think she's afraid of being left alone if she separates from me ... and she's so wrong. I don't blame her, I used to fear loneliness until it came into my life. I knew it because, even being surrounded by my family and friends, my heart was empty.

She made everything make sense. Demi was the meaning of my life...and I lost her.