Light In The Tunnel: Diary of a Transman

Intro

Currently Listening to: The Tunnel by The Used

"I think I want to write about this process, T. What it feels like and my experience with it. Maybe publish it on Amazon or something, like I did with those poems." It's all I can do to keep myself still in the battered passenger seat of my boyfriend's Jeep Liberty. The words are mostly there to fill the empty air, to keep me tied to Earth. I was so full of butterflies that day that I felt like I might float into the sky, never to be seen again. 

I spent a couple of weeks playing around with the idea of self-publishing a book about my experiences as a transman, but I realized earlier tonight who I wanted to reach. People like myself, teenagers or young adults who read things like this after their families are asleep, with the lights off and laptops pulled close to their faces. 

The teenagers who go to school wearing one set of clothes and change in filthy bathroom stalls, while begging their friends to bind their chests. (Do as I say, not as I do. I bound with ace bandages for a while and hurt my ribs. Fortunately, the internet has more resources now then it did then, do some reading, friends.)

It's for the teenagers who shower with the lights off, who ask teachers and classmates to call them another name, "But never, ever in front of my Mom. She doesn't know. Promise?"

It's for the kids and teens who have sent me messages on Wattpad since my first journal wrapped up, that's who this is for. I don't want money for it, I just want to be there to reach a hand out to someone who needs to know that they aren't alone. I can't give much, but I can give that, at least. 

So this is for all of you, whoever you are. Take part in this transformation with me and dream about the day when your turn finally comes. Just like I did.

With Love, 

Jordan