P.S. I Love You

Chapter 1 - Fight

A/N So my lovely readers so far, this will kepp me occupied when I am bored so the updates may not be as regular as 'Set Fire To The Rain' or 'Just Watch Me' (my other stories if you didn't know)

So yeah, this chapter is dedicated to the lovely @accioziampalik

CHAPTER 1

**JOY’S POV**

I close my eyes slightly and lean my head back into the hard, cold, cement wall behind me as the chemicals from Chemotherapy flow through-out my destroyed body.

I’m so tired, like all my will and fight has been sucked right out of me. The black, bruised shadows under my eyes tell the story. The dull shine in my eyes. The lack of hair. Everything tells the story of a girl with cancer, who is at her wits end.

Fight.

Come on you can do this.

But you only have six months left.

Fight.

Six months.

“Fight” I whisper and clench my hands on the arm-rest, eyes still closed shut. I can’t give in. Not now, not ever. Be the person you always have been. A warrior, fighting the battles within myself. Be that person who doesn’t let cancer pull her down.

Think of the happy times, when this didn’t ravage your body. When you could run and be outside, the wind toying with your hair. When smiling came easy and you weren’t falling over with fatigue all the time. When you could be strong and truly happy.

A shrieking headache forces me back into the real world. Dreams of being well again evaporate like fog in the summer sun.

The mind-shattering pain is vibrating throughout my body as though it wants to turn me into dust. I wouldn’t mind, there is nothing left in this life anyway

Don’t give up

Please, please don’t give up now

Live the life you have always wanted in the period of six months before you pass on into the black hole they call death.

“Miss Script?” a gentle voice sounds from the hallway, waking me up from my crushing thoughts for the second time today. I open my seemingly glazed eyes and look at her blankly before my world sharpens its vision.

“Yes?” I say hoarsely, my voice scratchy with exhaustion. I try and force smile onto my tired face but it comes out like more of a grimace. The nurse gives me a smile though, wide enough to make up for my pathetic one. I wish I could smile like that again. Once it came naturally but now, I find it harder to do so.

“Your Chemotherapy session is over and the doctor wants to talk to you” she tells me, the kindness in her tone sharpening with authority. I nod weakly and get out of the red, velvet padded chair, standing up on shaking legs. The nurse rushes a few steps towards me, hands out to steady my twitching body.

“I’m fine” I croak and sink into the wheelchair that has been provided. I can never walk properly after a chemo session. Just a little trait I have, then later in the day, I begin to feel nauseous and vomit up black shit. Side-effects of the pain that my body is tormented with.

My trembling hands wrap around the cold metal of the wheels on my moving chair and I propel myself out of the white prison that has kept me locked up for six hours.

Everything seems to be coming in sixes

Six hours of Chemotherapy

Six months of life left before I leave this world that has cursed me with the gift of Melanoma 

Six things I want to do before I die

Those things will probably never happen but they are inked on both my heart and my mind like an indelible tattoo.

Lyric’s swirl around and around in my head, nearly drowning out my dark thoughts but they come back, like they always do. 

If we can only have this life

For one more day

If we could only

Turn back time

I want to live my life but that will never happen. Ever. It’s already over. Already slipping through my fingers like sand. So many things I won’t be able to do. I’ll never have kids. Never regrow my long, dark brown hair back. Never have the strength travel the world and visit all the sights I have wanted see since I was young and healthy.

But I only want one thing I want to happen to me. It is simple but hard to create. It cannot be manufactured, it cannot be bought. It’s what everyone dreams of and what everyone feels at some stage in their life.

I want to fall in love.