Consequences and Revelations (A CSI Miami Fanfic)

Panic Attack

Consequences and revelations: A CSI MIAMI FANFIC

(This starts I think at the end of season 7, so spoilers- even though this show has been over for years).

Oh, god! I shot him... I shot Eric... He was hit... I know he had to have been shot... Where did he go when he drove off? Where did he end up? All these thoughts were running through the mind of CSI Calleigh Duquesne, and she was horrified at what she had done. It would be bad enough if it were just anybody she had shot- but this wasn't just anybody- this was Eric. She felt hot tears come to her eyes- a rarity for her because she never cried. She could only think of a handful of times where she had cried in her life, but today, this moment was one of them. It deserved tears. She walked somewhere where she could be alone, sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't want anyone to see her like that. Calleigh didn't like to be vulnerable and she felt just sick about what had happened. She had probably caused Eric's death. She was upset, not just because she shot at a coworker, her partner- but that she had shot at her best friend- and this was the kicker- her lover... Yes, Eric Delko was her boyfriend- and now he was probably dying because of that bullet she had fired. It was her fault- she caused it and she had no one to blame for her grief. She had a cold dread in her heart-enveloping it fully. And she was afraid. And there was another place she hardly ever visited. What am I gonna do? I wanted to marry him... and that in itself was enough of a revelation because she had never mentioned it to Eric even though she knew how he felt about her. She hadn't even told him that she loved him... Now she felt so stupid, so blind. And now, quite possibly, her chance for love was gone. I wanted us to start a life together- for him to be the father of my children... Now- there's nothing... We were so close and I went and killed him... This was the worst feeling she had ever experienced. This was worse than when she was kidnapped last year- worse than when Jake beat her for valedictorian at college graduation. This was worse than when her parents got divorced- at least she had seen that coming. This had hit her right between the eyes when she least expected it. The only thing that even remotely compared was when Eric was shot in the head and almost died... But even still, this was worse because it was she who did it.

 It was on her conscience and she had to live with it. She killed the love of her life. That made her stomach churn and she vomited in the bushes. In her job, she saw a lot of horrible things-how people hurt each other, but now, she felt no different than some of the women they had put away for killing their husbands or boyfriends... She was just trying to help Eric and then- all of a sudden, that silver car came out and she unknowingly shot her boyfriend. Sharova was in the car with him- and it all became clear... She understood- Sharova was pretty much forced to do whatever the Russian mob told him to do. He was supposed to steal the guns back from the armory and Eric found out about it- and got his father out before he did something stupid, and he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was innocent. It kept playing in her mind like a broken record.

Horatio got to the scene and they followed the car's tire treads, determining that they were going to have to catch up in the Hummer. And it was then that Ryan noticed something- and he felt remiss because he hadn't noticed it before. "Where did Calleigh go? She was here, then she just vanished."

"Following up with some evidence or questioning a witness...?"

"I don't know, H... The last time I saw her was when the car passed... She got this horrible look on her face and I was gonna ask about it, but there was still shooting going on... That was the last time I saw her."

"Call her."

"Ok, H..." Ryan took out his phone and speed-dialed Calleigh's number. She picked up on the 2nd ring. But her, "Hi" didn't sound at all like the cheery Calleigh he knew. And she didn't say anything else-so he knew something was wrong. "Where are you?" He asked- feeling panic set into his chest.

"Around the side of the building- I'll come back."

"Why--?" Ryan couldn't even think of what she could possibly be doing over there. But she sounded so- numb- that was the only world he could think of.

"I needed a moment. I'll explain when I come around." And she hung up.

Ryan looked down at his phone, putting it in his pocket- Horatio looking over at him, "What's up?"

"She sounds really weird... upset... numb... like she can't decide how to feel... That's not like her... She was around the corner of the building- she said she'd come around, but that she needed a moment to herself."

"Something happened in that shooting."

Then they saw her come out, looking a little worse for wear.

Calleigh knew that she had to explain to Horatio and Ryan what happened. When Horatio asked, "What's wrong, ma'am?" She came apart.

"What isn't wrong?" and then she collected herself. "I shot at that silver car... leaving the armory."

"Yeah- it was fleeing the scene..." Ryan tilted his head, trying to grasp what the problem was."

"Not the way we thought... In the silver car- was Eric- with Sharova... Eric was driving the car- and I didn't know it... I didn't know until I shot at him... He saw me shoot at him and he went off-that direction." She pointed.

"Wait a minute- you shot at Eric?" Ryan knew why she was so upset.

"I didn't know it- not when I shot... But yes... oh, my god... he's hurt and it's my fault..."

Horatio didn't know what to say to that- he knew that Calleigh was replaying the scene in her head and the guilt was making her miserable.

"So you went back there to collect yourself, and you got sick."

"It's the worst moment of my life."

Horatio thought that was an odd statement- because Calleigh had never let anything bother her for more than a few minutes, and she had been through some bad stuff in her life and this moment was the worst moment of her life? "Explain that, please." He hoped she wasn't thinking he was trying to interrogate her... She didn't know she was shooting at Eric.

"I probably killed the only man I've ever loved... my best friend... my partner..." she took a deep breath and looked from Horatio to Ryan. "We're seeing each other... He's my boyfriend... I love him, and I never told him... And he's probably dead because of me."

This was news to Horatio, but not so much that Calleigh loved Eric- he had known that for years- that they had finally started seeing each other... And the finality of Calleigh's words rang in his mind. "You're mourning the loss of the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with... Mourning the life the two of you were supposed to have- and you're mad at yourself..." Horatio took a deep breath as he watched Calleigh nod with tears in her eyes.

"You didn't know, Cal... What was he even doing here?"

"Sharova was in the car... My guess is that Eric was getting his father out before he did something horrible... so he wouldn't spend the rest of his life in prison... He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"How do you know?" Ryan was surprised that Calleigh seemed so sure about unconfirmed facts.

"I know Eric is weird about family stuff, and for some reason, since Sharova stood up for him, Eric has started to do his best to make sure he pays him back for doing him that service... and so there's a line that's close to being crossed- but I know Eric would never do anything illegal... He'd never risk it..."

"I think you're right," Horatio said.

"We should go find him."

They finally found the car. It was by the Everglades, which made Calleigh nervous because it was such a broad stretch of land and water- not somewhere for an injured person... When Horatio, Ryan, and Calleigh got to the car, Sharova was in it, but Eric was missing, and once Horatio woke Sharova up- they noticed that Eric's father was covered in blood that wasn't his. And Calleigh felt her throat constrict. Sharova explained what had happened, and as Calleigh had surmised, Eric was just trying to keep his father out of trouble.