Life of a medical student

Stress

Life of a medical student part 8: March 2019

Current activity: Lying on my bedroom floor unwillingly taking a study break. Unwilling due to the fact that I actually want to continue studying but my mind is fried.

Pro: I have managed to be in the study zone all weekend – super productive – and have found some AMAZING new music.

Con: I'm just tired of being stressed.

Music track: Gato De Beco by Kurup, Salvador Araguaya & Spaniol (I have been in the instrumental mood all weekend)

Have you ever gotten to the maximum point of studying where you just can't anymore? Cannot sit. Cannot concentrate. Cannot comprehend what you are reading. Just cannot anymore. Then you end up on the floor hyperventilating and screaming in frustration because you do not have the time to freak out and this freak out moment is more of an inconvenience than anything else. I'm sure many of you have been there – it is not a nice space to be in. Especially with the pressure of work load and lack of time constantly pressing down on you. And it really sucks because I genuinely enjoy the study work. You can make studying fun. Make it your zone. I have my freshly brewed cup of coffee ready, music tunes blasting loud on my speakers and all my study notes, textbooks and laptop surrounding me in an organised mess that it looks as if a bomb of paper just exploded in my bedroom. But it works, it's mine and I make it fun. Albeit even I have my limit. Once you pass the eleventh hour of studying or major cram week of studying a sort of depression or emotional labile state sets in and I don't know why. Maybe it is the information overload. Maybe humans aren't supposed to stay focused in one position for so long but nevertheless it needs to be done as that work needs to get into my damn head!

So while I am lying here uber dramatic on my wooden floors... I contemplate life with my music playing in the background. I have been overthinking again. Not sure whether that is a good thing or not.

While rotating in hospitals I have started paying attention to the type of doctors who specialise in every department. Based on pure looks and first impressions (and I am definitely stereotyping here) – have you noticed how paediatricians all look like kinder garden teachers? Gynaecologists look like old miserable women. Orthopaedic surgeons are the classic jocks. Forensic pathologists look like mad scientists that have escaped their underground labs. It's like the people who work in one department start to look alike and have a certain trait that they share. How peculiar. 

I also started thinking what kind of hobbies or personality traits each of these doctors had as kids that predisposed them to their speciality choice. Do you think radiologists used to watch black and white movies as children? (I asked a doctor this once – he thought it was a funny joke). Did anaesthesiologists use to play house (parents and baby) as their main job is to nurture the patient and protect them from pain in the theatre area. Did surgeons play with lego and building blocks as they like to be hands on and physically fix things? And maybe physicians all play Sudoku. Because let's be honest that game takes forever and most of the time you struggle to solve it (the same way they handle patients). Maybe neurosurgeons watched too many zombie movies where they ate brains for sustenance and now they have a weird obsession for brains themselves. Maybe plastic surgeons played dress up too often and now believe people have to look perfect all the time. Random thoughts I know...but I still wonder if there is any validity in it.

One thing I do not understand is the hierarchy and politics that revolve within hospitals. Where does all this ego come from? Do these intellectual individuals not understand that our teamwork is what is essential for the well-beings of the patients? A doctor is not better or more superior than a nurse and vice versa. Each component/ speciality has its own knowledge and purpose. For example as a doctor (once I complete by degree) I will be able to diagnose diseases, assist in medical and surgical management and be able to communicate with the patient. But there are many skills in which I am not trained to do and those skills are supplemented by other important individuals including the nursing staff, occupational therapists, physiotherapists and social workers. I, as a doctor, am not trained in assisting patients to move across the hospital wards without falling. I am not trained in how to assist disabled patients to go to the toilet. I am not trained to ensure patients are constantly turned on their beds to avoid bed sores. These skills that I mentioned are all known by the nursing staff. So they are significant beings in terms of patient management. That is why I do not understand why we cannot assist one another in the professional level of mutual respect. It's a two-way street here. I have seen doctors disregard nurses and treat them with condescending disrespect. I have seen nurses refuse to assist in the jobs that they are trained to do so in pure spite or laziness. And unfortunately I have learned that professionalism and good work ethic is not something that can easily be taught. Which is a sad point in itself. Our endpoint is for the good of people – but all this conflict of hierarchy can really make the work environment a miserable place. I am aware that this is not the case in all hospitals.

In Norway they don't have this issue to an extent. In the one hospital that I had the privilege of visiting all the staff wore the same colour scrubs. Including the cleaning staff. Thus everyone is equal and looks the same. The only way to tell position was according to identity pages that each individual is required to wear. It is something so simple yet beautiful to see.

The main message is: Destroy your ego. It won't get you anywhere. And for those that I meet that have that huge ego – at least have a degree to go with it because otherwise you are just a full of shit. Ag these awful things that plague our society: ego, entitlement, poor work ethic and over-opinionated uneducated individuals (who ironically have the access to means to educate themselves and yet choose not to). As much as I wish I could, I cannot fix the world. I can only control what I do and how I behave. And I firmly believe in mutual respect and patient education in every opportunity. As a patient you have the right to know what is being done to and for you and you have a say in all of this. If we don't practice like this then what is the point in being in the health profession at all? Believe me there are better ways to make money. Ways in which you can also get more sleep and less work hours.

While I'm on the self-reflective rampage let us get a little philosophical too. I have started reading a book by Jordan Peterson called Maps of meaning: The architecture of belief. Keeping in mind that I haven't gotten very far due to my studies and exams. But I will mention on point of his. He speaks of human beings living in the unbearable present forever trying to get to their ideal future. We fully focus all our energy and thoughts imagining how much better this ideal future will be, how much happier we will be once we get there and what we have to do to get there. And the enigma comes in that we never are there. Because we are always in the present thinking and aiming for the future. The point that bothers is though is why does the present have to be unbearable? Why do we make it so? Why are we so unhappy and discontent with our current status and this is the status that we live in for the entirety of our lives. Yes we still have goals, aims and ambition – all of which are good things. But that does not mean we have to remain miserable in our unbearable present state. Can't we take a moment to enjoy and savour the small things? That cup of coffee you have every morning, the moment you lie in bed after a long day and can just close your eyes and breathe, that moment when you zone out and watch some kids playing hide and seek in a public area must to the frustration of their mother and the moments you actually achieve something. Life is actually pretty good; yet I think we tend to forget that. Mini-moments can mean the world and they make the path to your ideal future bearable and surprisingly pleasant. We really don't need to "find ourselves" as so many people claim the need to do. We are right here where we have always been and always will be. And no matter where you travel or go you take that same self with you.

Like I said. I have been overthinking a bit...