Xander

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Chapter One
   There I sat in the sticky seat, pulling on my hoodie to cover my face. I looked out the window, searching for more than what I saw, but I saw nothing. All I saw was the bitter cold air and the street lamps.
   I remember hearing my mom and sister telling me the same thing, "What are you trying to find? Everything you see is what's there, and there's nothing wrong with it." Ad I could never argue with that. Not because I believed them, but because I didn't want them to worry about me.
     I heard the driver call my stop, so I lowered my head and stood up. As I walked out of the bus, I decided to go the long way. Which I knew I liked better because I didn't see much of the city.
•••
     As I walked into the house, I saw Lucy and Alec eating dinner. I took my hoodie off as my mom came to welcome me.
     "You know I can drive you home from school right?" She said. And I shrugged and walked past her. I heard her sigh, walking back into the kitchen to make me some food.
•••
As I sat in bed listening to music, I heard the door open. When I looked up, I saw Lucy. She's three years older than me, at age seventeen. She's a lot different than me, which made me always wonder if she really was my sister.
I watched her turn around the chair from my desk, sitting on it. She looked at me and I could tell she couldn't find my emotion.
I turned off my music when she finally said something, "So Zee, how's school going?"
"Fine." I said with no emotion. I saw her puzzled face, and at that moment I couldn't understand her confusion. Didn't she know I was distant sometimes?
"Is there anyone I should know about?" She asked giggling, changing the subject. My eyes fell back into my homework and I shrugged.
To be honest, not only was I the anti-social boy, but I wasn't the kind of guy who worried about girls.
"So that's a no." I could tell it wasn't much of a question, and that seemed to make me a little angry at her.
I rolled my eyes saying, "Such a shock I know." She heard my sarcasm and frowned.
"I just want to talk you know, I remember how frustrating my Freshman year was." She said. I could tell she was disappointed, and of course that's one thing I can't stand.
All because she has to be one of the few things I care about. Even though she seems so much more brighter and nicer than me, I still love her. I want he to be happy with me.
"Look," I said trying to figure out what to say, "I'm just focused on school right now. Okay?" I could tell she understood, even though I knew it wasn't the truth.
"I understand, I just want to help you get through high school. As an older sibling I feel like I need to be there for you matter wha-" The door burst open and my little brother Alec came crashing in. He landed on my bean bag with a thud. I heard Lucy sigh but I smiled.
I looked at Alec breathing heavily. I look at his rustled brown hair and bright red face. I have always noticed how young and adorable he looked, even though he's ten.
I then looked at Lucy, who seemed so perfect and mature. Although I did know she had a crazy side.
Alec giggled and said, "Did I miss anything important?" Alec laughed and I saw Lucy laugh a little too. I felt surprisingly happy too, so I laughed with them. In the corner of my eye I saw Lucy look at me, smiling. She has always cared for me, no matter how much of a brat I could be.
•••
As I laid in bed looking up at the ceiling, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for a while. I thought about the nothingness I saw before, and how I see it every time.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek, slowly making its way around the curve of my ear, dripping in the pillow.
As I felt everything blur, I knew I would have another unsuccessful night, where I would fall asleep crying.
As I dreamed about the family photo taken on the beach my mom took of Alec, Lucy, me. I turned to see Lucy with her dark brown hair and eyes. She was in her favorite black two piece that fit her perfectly.
I looked down at Alec with his swim shorts and sandy white T-shit. His green eyes and freckles, smiling, with his two front teeth missing.
I looked at them both, we were all so much younger back then. Alec was seven, I was eleven, and Lucy was my age now, fourteen.
When I looked down at myself, I saw my bare chest and my small abs I worked so hard to get, and my swim trunks low on my waist. They were dark blue, my favorite color, which I liked because it showed of my tan. It sounds dumb but I cared about that kind of stuff back then. I brushed my hand against them, feeling the soft but firm fabric.

"Smile!" My mom yelled at us to pay attention, looking at me. For a moment I didn't feel alone. I felt happy, unaware of my surroundings, and ready to be a teen.

I remember looking at the photo, seeing all of our eyes shining bright. Lucy with her photogenic self, and Alec smile big enough for us all. Then of course, myself, cherishing the sun glittering my skin, and my happy smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for the few people that read this. I know it isn't much but it will make more sense later on. If there are any mistakes or problems please tell me. I am a young writer and I don't expect much, just a place where I can write a book without judgement or shame. Sorry if I take a long time writing the next few chapters, I'm not a fast writer. Thank you once again, love ya <3.

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