Down Under

Chapter 9

"Just one mistake is all it will take." -Centuries, Fall Out Boy

_________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 9

Damon

            I gripped the pillow between my fists, squeezing my eyes and my lips shut.

            The nightmares were back and they were worse than ever. The image of watching my dad torture my mother replayed over and over again in my head and I couldn’t get it to stop. I tasted the blood my teeth had drawn from my lip, but I knew if I opened my mouth the nurses would hear my sobs and find me in this state.

            Pull yourself together, Damon, I told myself, but it didn’t help. The tears kept coming, the shaking wouldn’t end.

            The guys wouldn’t even be able to help me right now. They never knew what my dreams were about. I was too afraid to tell them, too scared to let them know what went on in my head. If I couldn’t even handle it, how could they? It wasn’t their responsibility to save me from my past. There was no point in telling them the full reality of my childhood. They didn’t need the mental scars I lived with.

            I told them my parents had abandoned me on the side of the road when I was seven-which was partially true-but I never told them the reason why. They never knew how horrible my father was, how much he hurt my mother. How every night he would come home and just flip his shit. I remember things being thrown everywhere and at everything. The walls, the floors, us, anything that could be damaged. Glass bottles were his favorite because they shattered and then Mom would have to clean up the mess.

            I couldn’t do anything to stop the abuse. Mom told me not to tell anyone, that they would just take me away and I would never see her again. She said she could handle it and we would make it out alright. I knew she was lying, but I wanted to believe her so badly that I did everything she said.

            When my dad would come home, my mom would tell me to go hide under my bed until she would come get me, but it got to the point where she didn’t have to tell me anymore. I just knew to go to my room, lock my door, and go under the bed as soon as I heard his car pull up. One time, Dad got so angry when Mom wouldn’t tell him where I was that he lit the house on fire. Mom got third degree burns from rescuing me. I remember peering out from under my bed, watching the flames engulf my room and hoping my dad wouldn’t make it out. I didn’t care if I lived, as long as Mom did and Dad didn’t.

            I remember Mom kicking open the door and grabbing me, then running out the backdoor where sirens were blaring and firefighters and policemen were already gathered. I was taken away from my mother so they could rush her to the hospital. I never understood why she told them the fire started when she knocked over a candle instead of saying my dad had done it.

            I later found out my dad left as soon as the flames were lit, leaving my mom and I to burn.

            That night is one of my many nightmares, but it never ends like it did in reality. In my dream I end up leaving my hiding place when I smell smoke and running down the stairs to find my mom tied to a chair, flames hiding her body. It’s always the same and I know what’s coming, but I can never seem to wake myself up before I go down those stairs. It’s seeing my mother… that’s the only thing that wakes me up, screaming and panicking.