Maybe.

Message I Never Sent 1/2018

For the past months, I've written versions and versions of messages i wish I would send to you but obviously never have. On holidays, long weekends, random nights, news or a song that makes me instantly reach for my phone, your snapchat story of your gorgeous new tattoo that I would have loved to see in person. I have repeatedly told myself you stopped talking to me for a reason, that I wasn't what you wanted and in too difficult of a position even if I was. Given your girlfriend, it wasn't that you didn't want a relationship-you didn't want one with me.

Regardless, you've brought me comfort, hope, and happiness in the memory of the time we talked. Two weeks that I will never stop claiming felt like a tiny piece of heaven for reasons I can't name. Part of me is content without you in my life, another believes you will always hold an invaluable piece of me. I don't have the desire to ask so many questions anymore and I don't hurt as much anymore so maybe one day I'll stop wondering about you and wanting the best for you even if it pains me to do so.

I told you at the beginning that I was okay getting hurt because sharing my love was more important. I still agree although I've come to terms that I won't get to share my true love with anyone for a long time now.

I don't regret giving you my love-if that's what you even want to call it. I feel you deserve to know the true goodness people see in you even if they don't always say it. Maybe one day I'll be someone you call up just to say hi. Maybe tomorrow you will forget about me or maybe you already have. I'm just grateful for knowing you and having what time I did have with you. Regardless of the time that passes, who we meet, or where we go, I think you will always be someone who felt right, at least for a while.