I Swear (Of Mice And Men)

I Swear

The bunk house air is still warm, just as it's always been.

But the atmosphere is bitterly cold, although the skin on my hands is clean.

Your blood is gone from my fingertips but the guilt still rests on my mind.

I swear, I can't erase the image of myself shooting you from behind.

The whole damn ranch is silent, every man avoids idle chatter,

Not wanting to discuss what happened after they had to witness our dream shatter.

The pups have grown up now but I swear that they know too,

They should have grown up around your pup and you.

She never should have joined you that day, you know as well as I.

Because of her, you had to go and I never got to say goodbye.

I swear all the things I've ever done, I never did them to be mean,

And I swear your delighted smile was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

We were never like other guys, we had each other, you see,

It always seemed I cared for you most but you also looked out for me.

I swear, I torture myself at night, wondering if you knew,

Wondering if there was time for your thoughts to process before your blood turned blue.

I wonder did you feel confused or even feel betrayed?

Did you feel the shock of the bullet, was there any pain?

Every day, I look at my hand and wish things could change.

I swear, I'd bring you back, even just to love you for one more day.

Not every moment is silent, but every day is a bore,

I don't hear you laugh or cry or ask me to recite our dream anymore.

I miss your innocence, your loyalty and your childish remarks,

I swear every day, I wish I could live back in the past.

You always used to idolize me and loved me more than I deserved,

I miss the firelight stories, when you'd be hooked onto my every word.

I swear that I know that her death was an accident, how could I ever forget

That you were by far the kindest being I had ever been privileged to have met?

Sometimes I sit alone at the table, shuffling cards to make use of my hands,

And I swear just for a moment, I see a girl with rouged lips cross the ranch.

Also in those moments, I hear you gleefully playing with the pups,

But it's all in my mind and both of your ghosts fade away into the dust.

If you're up there now, looking down on me, I really hope you'll work it out and I really hope you'll see,

That I didn't want to hurt you but I did it for your own good

I swear that if I could bring you back and get us away, I would.

Every second I miss you, but every second I hate myself more,

Why didn't I keep you safer, keep danger from your door?

That day, you remembered what I had said, You went and hid in the brush to wait for me but a few hours later, you were dead.

We could have went on the run, the old man, you and me,

Could've tried to get some money and built up our American dream.

But that's just wishful thinking, a stupid ideology,

Because that man was a brute, a brute with power and he would've killed both you and me.

But I swear, you were the greatest friend that I ever had.

And I swear, even though you done all of those stupid things, I ain't never been mad.

And I swear, one day, in death, we'll unite.

But for now, I take myself with the broken dreams of two men and drift off into the night.