My self harm story

Now

Right now I don't hate right now and I don't love.I don't like it and I don't dislike it.I don't know how I feel about right now.

I cry a lot I just moved from my home.Because my mom wants a new start.When I moved I felt empty like I was missing something.

I fond what I was missing I was missing my best friend.I left him I have 3 more sisters.They are little one is Rosa,Isabella,And the baby Rebecca.

I love them I tell them everyday I don't ever want to hear you say."I hate my self" "I want to die"

Not even my little brother I love him with all my heart.If he feels like I do I would blame my self.Because I wasn't strong for him.

He's their for me when I cry when I feel like cutting.When he sees my scars he looks at me with sad eyes.He says "Nene why did you do that again?" I look and tell him I'm sorry

I'm trying to feels better be happy again.I told my mom I need help.Can you find me a concealer for me.I want to be a better daughter and sister.

Because I would kill to see you cry for me again.I would blame myself if my little brother or sister did what I am doing.I'm trying my best but I don't think I can do it any longer.

I'm fighting this battle alone.I won't tell my mom how I feel she has enough.I died inside when my mom told me."I'm so close to cutting myself more then you ever had"

I feel like I'm dieing little by little.My stomach hurts all the time.I'm getting weaker.This war I'm fighting I'm losing it.

My best friend he keeps me strong I know he doesn't mean it but he might.He tells me"I love you I can't lose you your my best friend and if you die I'm gonna see you in heaven or hell the next day or that same night"

I'm blessed to have him in my life.I think that's it.That's my story that's how it is.I'm going to school in the 7th grade again. I failed it because I tired sad and distracted.

I'm trying to be better for my 4 little ones.My birthday is coming I don't want much but to be left alone.But my mom would love to make me a party.

I'm gonna get up and put my fake smile on and enjoy.Seeing my mom happy.

Please don't do self harm. please I know you feel alone I do to.