Anxiety- my experience

Chapter 2- I'm not good at naming things

Year 7 came and aged 11, I found myself starting at a different secondary school to the majority of my friends. I have always found boys easier to get along with than girls and so I was rather distressed at the thought of going to an all girls school where I would only know three people. I imagine that this is an all too familiar situation. Many of you will have had a similar experience when starting at a new school and the transition from primary to secondary may have seemed especially daunting because you go from being the oldest to the youngest. You no longer rule the roost. There are older children, taller children and generally scarier ones. Or at least that's what I found. And to make matters worse, my mother insisted that I carried the largest backpack you have ever seen. It genuinely was almost suitcase sized. I begged her to let me take a different one even before I started school but no, she said I had to take that or no bag at all. Basically I had no choice, but I wasn't stupid, I knew it wasn't cool and I hated my Mum for that. I think I could have made a much better start at Youngcountry (my school) if it wasn't for that bag. Yes I am blaming my year 7 struggles on a bag, and what? I am not entirely serious there. I wasn't cool either. I believe I had the potential to be, maybe not in year 7 but later on, but I never have been because I am too shy and quiet for people to really know me.

My first tutor lasted around a term at the school before he left to give you an indication of how horrific my tutor group was. He was a sweet man, seemed very gentle and so did not fare well against my very boisterous, very loud and very very irritating tutor group. So for half an hour every morning I would sit there with the three people I knew, watching the chaos unfold around me. Then the second the bell rang I would pick up my bag and practically run for it because I didn't appreciate fighting with 30 year 7s to get out of the door and then a few seconds later, the 30 year 9s from the tutor group opposite. I didn't like crowds, even then and I although I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid them, I would only pass through them when I had to.

As a result of my horrible tutor group, I had very few friends in year 7 and although I tried to get along with everybody, I didn't, after all, I am only human. I did make one friend in that year who I am still friends with now though and for that reason, I do not regret having gone to the school I went to, even though at times I hated it. One day, my three primary school friends were away, I say friends but in reality I was only close with one of them and even she annoyed me hugely and still does for that matter. We get along but are on completely different wavelengths and have different aspirations. I know they say that opposites attract but I think we have the problem of being very similar as well as different. Anyway, the day that my 3 friends were away, I had to find someone to spend lunchtime with. I was terrified. This meant talking to new people and although I had been doing drama for 3 years to help boost my confidence, I didn't feel ready for what I viewed as a massive challenge.

Lunchtime came and I made my way towards my tutor room, alone. We always hung out outside the room, you see and so heading there was a pretty safe bet on the finding someone to talk to front. The girl I made friends with was generally thought of as a bit weird. She was very pale with very blond hair and looked almost ghostly but she was friendly and that was what mattered. We fed the horses that lunchtime. Ones on the field just behind my school. I didn't like horses at all but fed them in an attempt to fit it. I was terrified that entire lunchtime, first of talking to new people but then of being so close to the horses. After that I spent much more time with the ghostly girl and by the end of year 7 we were close friends.

At that point, my life wasn't totally ruled by being very shy. I made friends with more people over the year and had fun. In fact, I was being rather entrepreneurial, buying mega sour sweets from  the shop and selling them for twice the price. 6 years later and the inside of my cheek still has the round sweet shaped indentation because the sweet was so sour. We would have water fights during the summer and I would often turn up to lessons soaking wet, and on more than one occasion got told off for this. I was happy and living life the way it should be lived.