What I Deserved

One Shot

She twisted and turned, tormented by the demons that plague her day and night. Demons that he put there. That he planted within her subconscious, that he unknowingly made a part of her. She couldn't escape it, the constant voices and whispers that circled around her head. Filling her with lies and untruths. Filling her with such emotions and thoughts that she couldn't sleep, she couldn't think and she couldn't move on.

Questions went unanswered and dreams went unfulfilled, it was out of her hands. He made sure of that and as hard as she tried she knew there was no changing it. He had made his choice, now she had to try and make hers. Her heart told her one thing and her head told her another, each option caused her pain though. Pain that she no longer wanted to experience.

***

I sit here in the corner, tears streaming down my face and my heart lays before me in shatters. My eyes flickering around the room I tried so hard to fight the tears back, to tell myself that I am stronger than this, that I can and will get through this. A huge sigh passes through my lips and I roughly brushed the tears from my swollen cheeks. I don't deserve this, I never deserved this. Heartache, it's such a cruel creation. One that can change a person for better or for worse.

What I felt in my chest at this very moment could be only that, complete and utter heartache. In other words what I was experiencing was the true torturous pain of a broken heart, brought on by none other than the person who had promised time and time again to never let me experience this, but here I am.

He gave his reasons of course, there's always a reason behind it. His I understood but didn't want to accept because it meant losing him and that's the one thing I didn't want to face. I can still remember the moment it all happened, the moment my whole world fell apart right in front of my very own eyes.

***

It was late, the moon was shining brightly above us, its full face granting us a clear sky and gorgeous stars. He knew how I loved to admire the beauty of a full moon, of the enchanting pull it seemed to have over my body and mind. We were walking on a clear path of moonlight when he pulled me closer into his arms, covering me from the sudden breeze that billowed round us.

Looking up into his face I couldn't help but admire the shadows that danced across his scruffy jaw, having not shaved in a while. I liked him most like that, hair tousled and beard growing out to frame he very kissable lips. Something I often took great pleasure in, he turned then and his greyish, blue eyes shone down on me with such an intensity, I lost my breath. How I loved this man that stood before be, bathed in moonlight. How I wished I could have captured us in this very moment, together in each other's arms, if only I had of known it would be the last time in those very arms, I would have.

He suddenly pulled back then and gave me a look of such pain and sorrow that it had my face scrunching up in confusion.

"What's wrong?" My voice trembled from the sudden loss of his heat and I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so freaking sorry." Tears rushed to his eyes and I went to move towards him, only for his hand to come up between us.

Stepping back I held my breath as he closed his eyes and turn his face slightly away from me.

"Remember how you asked me at the beginning of this, at the beginning of us, if I wanted a break? A chance to be by myself?" His voice quivered with each word that spilled past his lips, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This is the last thing I expected to hear, I was completely caught off guard and as a result of this my eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah? What about it?" My question was slurred and shaking as a result of the shivers that overtook my body and wreaked havoc with my mind.

"It means I think we need some time apart." He couldn't meet my eyes as he spoke those words, I don't blame him because in that moment I wouldn't have been able to look at him either. It was all rushing around my head, breaking me from the inside out.