La Douleur Exquise

Ritornello Pieno di Speranza

La Douleur Exquise IV

Ritronello Pieno di Speranza

~seikiunne11

My senses wake up to weird things in an unknown environment. All over my skin I feel silky softness and warmth. My nose catches a faint smell of well roasted coffee beans, the chilly wind, and also a spike of paint. I hear faint noises of metal clatter somewhere a bit far from where I was, as if someone was putting a pan on a stove. What was I thinking? Where was I?

I tried to move my right hand to subconsciously fix my disheveled hair; it was a force of habit. But I couldn’t lift my arm, why did it seem too heavy? I tried moving my legs, and they too felt like a ton. I panicked and was about to open my eyes to see if I was having a bad dream or would I wake up in a hospital, when the sound of a turning doorknob made even more scared for my life.

With my eyes closed, I only hear faint footsteps and a light drag of a wooden chair. Someone was trying to sit by my bedside. I also smell something warm and delicious. My stomach lurched at the mere scent of unknown food. Was I that hungry? I could also smell a faint scent of something familiar, and for reasons unknown it wasn’t a simple scent that lingered in my nose, but went straight to my chest. 

“You don’t have to pretend you’re sleeping.” 

That voice! I spun around sharply but instantly my body ached everywhere and I had to gasp out loud.

“Don’t move too much, just stay still.” 

His warm palms on my arms pinned me down and repositioned me back in the bed.

“What happened to me?” I wanted to shout but even my voice sounded as worse as my body. 

“You’ve been asleep for a day and a half. Good thing you don’t have a fever anymore. I couldn’t take you to the hospital because you’d get worse if we go out in this weather. 

His gaze was on the window beside me, and as I tried to look up, all I saw was roaring wind and rain. Even the electricity seemed to be down in some places, the streets were barely lit, and the neighborhood windows and doors were all closed. I couldn’t look back at him, what should I say? Should I thank him for letting me stay? But what happened in the first place? Last thing I remembered was I ran out of a coffee shop after I saw him.

After I saw him and his child.

“I should go.” I tried sitting up but I nearly flopped down on the floor like a ragdoll 

“Stop being so stubborn.” His voice quivered, he sounded helpless.

“What the hell am I supposed to do? Stay here? I don’t want to make a scene in front of anyone, not especially an innocent child.” I never felt so agitated in my life, how could he make me stay here? Was he trying to torture me?

“Child? What child?”

That all familiar tone of mindlessness made me sigh, “You’re impossible.”

Silence fell in the room. It was a long, dark, and sad silence. I kept my face on the window, I could hear him scratching his face and gave a long sigh.

“Yes, he’s my child. But he’s not with me now.”

My heart skipped a beat. It was tortuous to have suspicions, but it’s far more excruciating pain to know the truth. I never knew that a tear escaped my eyes and fell on the pillow beneath my cheek.

“What about you? Are you married now? It’s been a long…”

“We both have different lives now. Let’s keep it that way.”