sonder.

2

Dude, I wish I could sleep in today. But I can't, and honestly that's probably good for me considering how lazy I am, but still. Sleep is good. But the thought of spending the day with friends, friends that I don't usually hang out with often, that thought is enough to get me out of bed, at least onto the floor. Hopefully the thud of me falling didn't disturb anyone. Today will be onw of the few days I feel like I'm worth anything. Many days, I don't. Often I feel as if no one truly cared about poor little me, Hugo Cyders. Kind of sad.

I don't usually tell people how I feel relatively lonely and not needed in this world. I only reach out to friends if I start to feel really shit. I usually keep my feelings to myself, and it's fine. As a person, I'm definitely a giver. I don't ask my friends to always be there for me. I would appreciate it, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if they weren't. It makes me feel better when I help my friends and ask for nothing in return.

One of the few places where I actually think about this is in the shower. Most times I just accept that I feel like I'm by myself in this world, but now I have a chance to ask myself why that is. I guess it's just my nature. To keep my emotions to myself. To put others first. I'm no humanitarian though.

Drying my hair after a shower is an absolute pain. My hair acts kind of weird for a couple of hours after I shower, and it is usually a bit more difficult to get it into the nice man bun that I am accustom to having almost 24/7. And the clothes I should wear? I don't even know, but it's the middle of July, so there will be the usual winter cold, contrary to the northern hemisphere. A nice buttoned shirt, unzipped grey jumper and rustic coloured pants should be fine. Usually I put in even less effort, but I want to make a relatively good impression on Maya.

Getting out of the house is always a small struggle. I've told my parents everything; where I'm planning to go, what we'll be doing, but of course, they still interrogate me and ask for a check through of my bag. It's not like I would have anything in there.

The train station near my house is quite small and safe, in my opinion. Sometimes I like to get there a lot earlier than my train just so I can chill in the station, with the nice vibes it gives off. Is today going to be a good day? Will it be a shit day? Will being with these friends be as nice as I hope it will? I wonder how today might change my life.

Who knows. It's fun to think about possibilities.

As Jack walks through the open doors of the train, his eyes spot Zoe, London and I and come to sit with us in our little 6 seat arrangement on the train, despite there being now four of us. After a bear hug from Jack that nearly kills me, and London grabs Jack's ass, the train begins to move. Oh yeah, London has a strange addiction to Jack's ass.

"Now the only person we're missing is Maya," states London, as if none of us could count.

"When is she coming on this train?" I ask Zoe.

Zoe hesitates, then opens her phone and scrolls around. "In 2 stations I think?" she finally says. I have a bit of nerves meeting Maya, like I do when meeting most new people, but it should be fine. Except Maya is quite attractive, so hopefully that doesn't push me to accidentally make anything awkward. Fuck you, brain.

The line in between the stations passes horrendously slow, which isn't so great for my nerves, so I distract myself by participating in shouting out random stuff with Jack to see if anyone else notices. Soon enough, we find the train slowing down to pull in to the next station.

I'm sitting across the walking aisle from the door that opens and slightly back, with a free aisle seat next to me. My eyes are eagerly scanning the door for Maya. I think 3 people enter before she does.

The moment she walks through that door I feel my entire body become lighter than feathers. This is the first time I have seen her outside of school uniform, and I found her attractive even in that. What my eyes currently lay upon is none other than stunning. Seriously, I am speechless. She looks amazing.

Her eyes look around until they make contact with mine first. I feel my whole back suddenly erupt in goosebumps as her eyes connect with mine. But for once, I'm not awkward. I smile, a real smile with both my mouth and my eyes, and Maya smiles back at me.

As she waves at the other three and begins to walk towards us, my mind starts to lead down different, new possibilities of today. I now know that much of my time today will be spent getting to know Maya. If her personality is compatible with mine, I may have just realised my potential future love interest. Exciting right? Even though the chances of anything coming out of it would be small, it would still be really good if our personalities matched up just right for her to be a love interest for me. The physical attraction is 100% there.

I stand up as she comes near and beat Zoe, as Maya gravitates towards me to hug me first. You can tell a lot about a person from a hug if you pay attention. Maya's arms wrap around under mine, then fold slightly up on my back. As we hug I notice a lot about her. Her perfume smells amazing, like vanilla. Her body warmth makes me feel safe. Her height is literally perfect for cuddling. I notice a couple of other things about her body that make me grin internally, but I'll think about that later.

I fall back down to my seat as Maya greets the other four, who I now lost focus on. All of my senses are focused on Maya, noticing her relatively long straight black hair, her defined face structure, her cute nose, her large, gorgeous eyes, her full, beautiful, natural lips. I can't help but think about a future possibility, one that would allow me to be kissing those lips under the moonlight as I hold her.

My sudden daydreaming meant that it took me a second or two to notice that Maya had chosen to sit in the empty seat next to me. As I realised, I started to get excited. She chose to sit next to me, someone she barely knew, over sitting next to London and Zoe, Maya's close friends? That means something at least. I don't know what, but I'll use it as a way to believe that my hopes shouldn't be thrown out the window straight away.

As the train starts to move again, I think of one actually plausible way today might change my life.