The Perfect Crime

     I wake up in the breezy room I've been calling home for the past few weeks that have been the start of this summer. When I open my eyes, I still get a shock of anxiety seeing the windows wide open, but I don't have to worry about the common robbers and murderers of New York anymore. The sounds of traffic and yelling people right outside my window were replaced with the sounds of gentle waves and seagulls weeks ago and it still feels like a vacation.
    I always thought that living on the coast would be hot and boring, not that I ever even considered it. It must have been Mom putting those thoughts of change being so disappointing in my head so I wouldn't be tempted to make it out of that place. But here I am. Where reading a book or taking a walk is relaxation, not an escape. I honestly never knew that life could be like this. Safe and calm.
    I'm still in my classic black vans and black jeans and band shirt (today it's Led Zeppelin), but I feel almost completely different. I stand at my bathroom counter and look at the green eyes staring back at me. The ones everyone called so pretty, but I just saw them as a disappointment for so many reasons. Something seems wrong. In the moment I don't know what it might be, but I let my hands guide my confused conscience into the desk drawer across from my bed anyways. That's when I grab the heftiest scissors I can find.
    I'm back at the mirror that I've been wandering in front of a lot since I've moved in and I grab a clump of oaky brown hair and cut it clean off. Well that was interesting. I wonder how Mama Willow is going to feel about the blunt cut I just gave myself. She said she loved how it looked like the sun was meant to kiss my hair. Well most of it is gone now.
    I open my door to be greeted by the one thing that I wanted to bring from home. My little potato of a dog, Bo. I was the only one that took care of him and I knew if I was going to be taken out of my house, no one was going to be able to keep him alive. It was a lot of work to convince my case worker, but none at all to find Mama Willow. She loves dogs and dogs love her. Everything and anything under the sun loves Mama Willow, though.
    Bo tumbles beside my ankles as we make our way down the stairs into the open living room, where everything is white or yellow and smells like coconut and jasmine. In a good way though, very light but at the same time you can pinpoint exactly what it is. I don't know how Mama Willow makes it work, but she does.
    The double glass doors are wide open to a similar view to the one that I have from my bedroom; breathtaking. It's a canvas of blues. Some of the hues are tumbling waves and the others make up the sky. The white, linen drapes sway back and forth like the tides. I smell something other than the regular scents that permeate throughout the room. Pancakes. They better have chocolate.
    I push through the bi-swing door to the kitchen and the smell of pancakes is warmer when I see them browning to a perfect gold in the pan. It's much better than the old smell of must and smoke, that still haunts my nose. Everything is white and clean and open. I'm here too.
    "Good morning sunshine." Mama Willow flips a pancake with great extravagance. She's my foster mom. After I was taken out of my "abusive household," as my case worker put it, she was quick to accept me as a foster kid, not really intending for me to leave, though. She plans on adopting me soon. So she's pretty much my adoptive mother at this point. I'll be eighteen soon enough, but she wanted me to be able to live the rest of my "childhood" as someone's child so she treats me like I'm her child. Thank goodness it's as her.
    "Hey, I... um... so," I stutter. She looks up with her caring eyes that I waited to see my whole life before I got here. She scans my face for an answer that she has by this point.
    "I like the hair," she soothes, "it was looking pretty dead and flat. Now it looks lively and fresh"
    I scuff my feet on the cool wood floor boards not surprised by the honesty that could be taken as harsh to those who don't have thick skin like us.
    "Cool. That's honestly exactly how I feel. Fresh." The word rolls over my tongue and feels almost refreshing itself. I relax into a stool under the countertop, "I guess change is a new concept and I like it."
    She puts her hands back to work. "Good. Now your bathroom better be spotless of any hair. I hate those little hairs that stick around for ten years." she grabs some fruit from the fridge and places it in front of me. "You gotta get something healthy in ya before you give your tastebuds the pleasure of my pancakes."
    "Plus two health." I grab a handful of strawberries and grapes and start shoving them into my mouth.
    Mama Willow places a small mountain of pancakes in front of me and smothers it with syrup.
    "I'm going into the city today. Maybe see if there's any way to do something that requires movement. I'm feeling pretty stiff." I loved movie marathon yesterday, but lord was I anything but mobile.
    "Okay. Be safe and make some friends." she winks at me like it's not the millionth time that she has implied or straight up said that I could use some good ol' romance.
    "I'm gonna take the bike if that's okay?" I shovel some pancake into my mouth. Wow.
    She nods me on with approval and we agree when I should be back at the latest and that I'll let her know if I won't be back in time for dinner.
    I shove what's left of the pancakes into my mouth and start making a list of all the things I need and what I'm going to try to do. First thing on my mental list is that I have to get the list down on some paper. Organization is going to be good for all I want to do today. I'm not exactly going to put "make a friend or two" on there, though.
    I scramble around my room to fill a bag with stuff I might need. I fumble down the stairs and decide I might as well ditch the bike and bring Bo. He can shuffle around my feet for a few hours without getting into too much trouble. He's a small french bulldog, not big enough to cause any issues and he needs to get a good walk in too. He seemed pretty captivated by The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles which kept him pretty stationary as well.
    In Ashbourne, Oregon, the air is clear and walking down the street with Bo feels very different from the polluted streets of New York. The sun is out and everything feels like Mama Willow's house. Open and clean. The little boulevard that goes straight through Ashbourne holds all types of shops and restaurants that anyone would need to live. At the same time it's very trendy and it feels like a street you would walk down in a city on the california coast but that's really the whole town.
    I walk into Zoey's and see the normal crowd, except for a small group in all black button ups and dress pants. They look like they're going to a funeral at one of the front tables. I look at them a little too judgmentally for a little too long, I admit. I walk up to the counter where Brenda's working today. I get up to the register and order my tall hot chocolate.
    I make my way to the door with bo who starts to sniff the one boy in the funeral group wearing sneakers. I feel my face getting red because I do NOT want to talk to anyone right now. I can't pick my eyes up to look the guy in the face. I cover my face with my hand.
    "I am so sorry. I'm just gonna leave uh," I keep my eyes on his shoes, "now."
    "Oh um no it's really okay."
    Before I can embarrass myself anymore, I drag Bo out of Zoey's and start trying to get out of the view of the windows as soon as possible. I see the bookstore and push the door open with a little too much force. I see Ed and I mouth sorry because of the inconvenience. All of the books greet me and I make my way over to my favorite shelves and look for a minute and grab a stack of books that look like they'll get me through the week.
    I imagine reading on the back porch in a new pair of sunglasses and taking in all of the words I can before I have to find a job and buy my own books. I have a lot to do but I could stay in Ed's bookstore all day. He gets new books so quick and I don't even know how. It feels like we live at the end of the earth here and he still gets these books every single day.
While I'm looking at a book I've been waiting for for months, I see a pair of black sneakers out of the corner of my eyes. They're pointed at the shelf of books like he happened to be browsing right next to me. They can't be the same ones that I saw minutes ago in the cafe, but they are. How can I be sure? I didn't even see his face, but I did get a good look at the shoes. Yep. Those have to be them.
I spin around with my stack of books and bee line straight toward the counter. I here some feet shuffle that have to be his. I try to shift to a position where I can see him without looking suspicious. I get my eyes up and catch his for a fraction of a second before he tries to act like he was looking at a book. One I actually read when I first found this bookstore.
"That's going to be forty seven dollars even." Ed pulls me out of my stare. Someone had to do it.
"Yeah thanks Ed." I hand him the debit card that Mama Willow gave me and said she would take back when she felt right about it.
"Well this stack looks like it'll get you through the weekend if you're lucky," Ed chuckles.
"Yeah," I chuckle from the nerves that are crawling up my neck, "I might be back tomorrow if I start now."
He laughs at that joke even though he's honestly debating if that's true or not. I'm way better at talking to adults. Especially librarians. I basically keep them running. I hear a giggle from behind me. Now I have to turn around and walk out the door... which is past him.
I make my way to the door with my eyes down, Bo is pretty calm. I hope he doesn't try to ruin my life again. I take a few confident steps and then I look up and he's walking towards me. He opens his mouth and nothing comes out, before I see the book that's still in his hands.
"That's a really good book," I feel the blush coming back, "definitely worth the read."
His mouth hasn't closed yet and I don't plan on sticking around to see it. My eyes get as wide as softballs I imagine, and I finally pull my feet toward the door and start strolling down the street again. I look for where I was planning to go for my errands all day.
    Some hours pass while I shop and take in some fresh air with bo. I think I'm going to be home for dinner and I can drop off my bags. Some of the books have given me some biceps since the beginning of the day. I've reached the end of the shops on this street where I got some new pieces for my wardrobe.
    I get home in no time at all and Bo flops right onto the cold hardwood floor. The house smells like chicken. I walk into the kitchen and Mama Willow is in the same place as she was this morning. It wouldn't surprise me if she hasn't moved.
    "Hey there girly. Looks like you've had a long day." She smiles at the thought that I had that much time to get at least a little socializing in. "Are you almost done?"
    "I think I'm going to head downtown to see what's going on tonight. I thought I'd grab some food and just be on my way again." I sit down in my regular seat under the counter. I run my hands through my hair and it's still surprising how short it is. It stops major inches from where I'm used to normally letting it fall back to my shoulders.
    "Yeah," she gives me a bright smile, "that sounds really fun." I don't feel guilty leaving this mom because I know she'll still love me when I get back.
    I finish the delicious chicken and lemonade that I love so much. I grab my new assortment of books and slump onto one of the white couches on the back porch to kill some time. The plaza doesn't open until it's dark out, so I have a while. I don't know which book to start first. They all look so enticing.
    I manage to choose a book and I get through eight chapters before I look up and realize that it's time for me to leave. I linger just a little bit to take in the sunset as I do every night no matter what. I can see it everywhere I go, so why not just take it in while I can. I had never seen anything this beautiful before seeing this view of the sunset here and this town still surprises me with it's beauty everyday.
    I hop into the SUV that I got to have because Mama Willow had just gotten a new car and I had gotten my license earlier this year. It still makes me nervous to be in a car by myself and going somewhere alone. It feels very safe here, but alone in my car, is always a little too quite before I start it. I throw my purse into the back and turn my key to start the car's soft rumble all around me. I roll my windows down, turn up the classical music station, and crank the car into reverse.
    The driveway is long and a little curved which makes backing out a little too challenging for my liking. I pull back for one of the few times that I've used the car and appreciate the house from the angle. It looks like a palace to me and, again, very clean and white. I get a little carried away and before I know it, I'm on the road.
    I've been down town one other time and it was about two weeks ago. I didn't have too much time to explore, well certainly not at night. There's always something going on there and I would've liked to see it any other night that I've been here, but I wasn't ready to socialize just yet. It's a Tuesday night so it definitely won't be anything crazy I'm guessing.
    I know exactly where I'm headed. Right to the Plaza where I can get some real music. I've been waiting to get in there. I've been to a few concerts in New York, but I'm sure they couldn't compare to anything like this. A huge Broadway like theater mixed with a stage, but outside. The music could be pretty bad and still be breathtaking there.
    I realize that I have no idea what or who is going to be there. It doesn't really bother me as I park my car and start walking towards the fabulous looking entrance. I get close enough to see that everyone that's walking in is looking kind of nice for a summer concert. I take my first few steps up the stairs that I've marveled at once before. This feels exhilarating.
    Then I see the sign. Sold out. Sold out? I had carefully calculated every possible way to avoid a crowd. Sold out? Really? So much for a Tuesday night not being busy.
    I sit down on the steps that I had marveled at the other day and I put my head in my hands. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears. It's a mystery to me as to why I'm so fragile. It's just a concert but I feel like I'm supposed to be there. There's something pulling me in. I still don't know what's playing or who's there, but I need to be in there.
    I sit for quite some time in the dark. I can't tell how much time has passed. Thinking and going away into my head is timeless. I get lost in thought for a hot second and I almost drift off to sleep. The air is so comfy here with a light smell of another little diner nextdoor. I don't get my phone out or a book-mostly because I don't have one.
    After another bout of thoughts, a new one comes to mind. I should grab a late night snack it has to be around eleven. The sun set around nine fifteen and I had to have been sitting there for over an hour. I open the door and see the big round mugs that hold hot drinks of all kind. Then I am greeted by the smell of espresso shots and coffee beans. I see some familiar faces from the beach and make a few awkward smiles.
    I order a tall hot chocolate and chocolate croissant to go and start sipping the hot deliciousness. The heat in the heat doesn't bother me too much. Nothing could really throw me off of hot chocolate. I slide into a small booth up against the wall and feel my eyes sagging. I don't feel quite ready to give up for the night. An idea pops into my head.
    I spring up out of the booth and say goodbye to the perfect habitat at this hour to walk out into the street. I get a little shiver by the cool of the night I had just nearly forgotten about. It's not even below eighty degrees, but I was comfortable in the warmth that a good diner should have. The streets are too quiet for this little town. Good.
    I make my way to the front of the Plaza. I walk just a bit further down the street and see a small pathway between the Plaza and an improv class theater building. That's kind of sketch but it's safe in this town. I'm too driven to find a door to care. I start speed walking, which turns into a jog, which almost turns into a full run.
    It's not long before I hear some orchestral sounds. The music is growing and all of the nerves in my body are tingling. The darkness is all encapsulating except for a few strips of light that a door gives off. A door that will lead me into the Plaza. Illegally. I'll pay the theater for the rest of my life rather than fight these feelings I can't explain right now.
    I place my hand on the door knob. It's very used from what I can tell with my fingers. The old metal is lumpy from all of the buildup on it. A pool of emotions seep into my body from the door handle. I manage to turn my wrist and feel the door glide into another dark space. There's some lights leaking in from what I can only think to be the stage.
    With the swing of the door, all of the emotions come straight out of my body. I can feel the music and it takes me away to a different place where all there is is sound. The music surrounds me with the greatest warmth and welcome. My feet lead me toward the stage where I see bows flying and instruments acting as extensions of all of the musicians' bodies. I only hear the music in my ears and I feel like I'm in a dream that I've had but couldn't remember after I woke up.
    The song comes to an end. The people are standing to give the musicians the accolades that they are capable of giving. I snap out of my trance enough to realize that the wonder that I just heard is completely over and that had to be the end of the night. I head toward the door that I came in through. I can't be caught here when I just broke in.
    I start to turn but I see the converse. It's the guy from the bookstore with the beautiful blue eyes and fluffy coffee colored hair. I backpedal into the space just around the door. I half fumble for the door knob but I can't take my eyes away. I feel completely covered by the dark.
    He walked out last and is alone from what I can see. Probably not the most sociable. He looks up from the floor and seems deep in thought. His head turns towards me right as I find the door knob and twist it for my life. I open the door and it lets out a squeak that could be heard from Mars. His eyes snap to a state of confusion and a bit of fear. He starts to approach my dark corner.
I open the door and try to close it the best I can as my feet make a good decision to run. It didn't get a good slam on it so I can only imagine it didn't close. I start to run but in the dark, my heart tells my feet to stop and wait. It's completely dark in the alley still. There's a small stream of light from the door opening that gets the slightest bit wider and then goes away completely. I hear him breathing and I think about running again. I don't know what I'm waiting for.
"Marli?" his voice sounds like something he could play on his cello he walked off the stage with.   
"Wait," I don't know why I'm telling him to wait, "how did you figure out my name?"
    I hear him get closer, "Ed told me." I can feel his eyes in my direction. "I got quite the information about you."
    "Well I really like books," I blush, "I guess Ed has picked up a few thing since I've been here."
    I want to see him, but I don't want to have him look at me. I can't explain the feeling, but it's like the whole ocean down the street just went into my stomach and the tide is pulling it. Of course he reads my mind.
    "Do you want to grab something at the cafe next door after we find our way out of this sketchy looking alley. I mean unless that's not okay. Which is totally okay. I-uh... well..." the stutter is the cutest thing I've ever heard.
    "That sounds perfect." I could swear that I heard a sigh of relief. "No one I would rather go with." If there's any chance, I might as well take it. He took his fair share.
    I turn my flashlight on my phone and wave it around. It's a lot cleaner here than I would've imagined. I get the light to his shoes and he grabs his phone and turns on a flashlight too. We start walking. Before I know it, he tries to pull a sly move to hold my hand. I grab his as we are reaching the street where we turn off our flashlights.
    He looks into my eyes and I can see his shift between the two of mine. He has some blush of his own. We turn to the cafe and walk in together. Something in me feels so complete and I'm back in my perfect place. I walk up to the counter and let him order first. I don't know what snack I want now at this hour, even though I have no idea what time it could be.
    He orders a tall hot chocolate piping hot and the same for me. I add a chocolate cookie and he does the same. I sit at the same booth that I had sat in earlier in the night, but this time I'm not alone. We finish off the late date. We had talked and laughed for hours. He's been a cello player for twelve years and travels with the symphony. This was his last and most beautiful stop.
    We finish up around two A.M. and he walks me to my car. I get inside and drive myself home feeling more alive and happy than I even thought I could be. I'm like a love sick puppy when I pull into the driveway. I feel the weight of the lack of sleep after this long day.
    I skip up the walkway and here the tide get closer. This is home and I know that Mama Willow will be sitting there waiting for me. The door glides open and Bo is there waiting for me first where he gives me a little stretch and prepares to follow me to my bedroom. I walk to the living room first. Mama Willow looks perfectly awake and fresh.
    "How was it?" she's beaming. There's no way I could be out that long and not have made one friend.
    "Magical."
    "You need some sleep," I turn toward the stairs, "but first," she braces herself. "Did you meet anyone?"
    "I did actually," I wink.
    She squeals and she sits me down and makes me tell her every detail. She is just as invested as me in the whole story. She makes me tell the whole story from the beginning twice and makes me promise to tell it to her in the morning before she sends me to bed.
    I jump into my bed which is the single best place I could be to dream about the boy that actually exists and wait to see him again tomorrow. Bo jumps up into my arms and I close my eyes and instantly feel my body become one with the bed and whisk me away to sleep.