Under-Gods

I heard a moan.

Felt like my eyelids were sealed shut from the outside. I fought to pry them open until I was sorry I did. Light shocked every fiber in my body.  

“Hey.”

A woman’s voice?

“Can you hear me? Wake up.” Gentle. Kind. Was I in Heaven? Didn’t smell heavenly.  

My brain sparked to life without warning. The moans, the pain, the woman’s voice—it all became too loud and clear. It’s me moaning. My brain picked up momentum, joining more broken connections in rapid succession. I watched the last twenty-four hours of my life line up for recognition.  

I drew my brows together when a wave of agony rolled through me.

“You’ve been in an accident. Can you tell me your name? You didn’t have any identification on you.”

I focused on making my mouth work. “Levi…” A dense throbbing jack hammered my jaw and skull.

Dizzy. Darkness.

****

I opened my eyes to a familiar ceiling. I looked left. Bedroom window.

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes again. Home. Memories of Lloyd sneaking me out of that wretched hospital came. I owed him. Then I remembered. Today was the day I went back to work. Two weeks recovery would have to do. I needed to find Faye and make sure she was okay.

An agonizing hour and a half later, I paused in the doorway before leaving. Honestly felt like I was walking out of a grave. Thank you God.

The bus stop was five minutes away and I hobbled to it as fast as my not quite healed body allowed. I knew it was suicidal, what I was doing, but really, that was the case from the beginning with this whole ministry. Cowpies and fodder my mom would've called it if she knew. And my dad would no doubt accuse me of beatin' the devil around the stump. Any work outside of ranching was laziness and foolery.

Couldn’t stop now. I needed to find her, tell her that there was always hope and that no matter where she was and what happened, if she prayed and believed, God would answer. I hadn’t risked my life to let her fend off the wolves alone. She’d need help.

Her face popped in my mind for the millionth time since that day. She’d always been the quiet one. No happiness, no fear, no sorrow. Just an eerie emptiness in tootsie roll brown eyes. A reflection of Hell.

****

After a long day, I refused a ride home from Lloyd and sat on the lone bench in the pouring rain, jeans and black t-shirt soaked through and through while I waited for the 6:00 o’clock evening bus. My thug friends didn't show. Were they in jail? They’d rode that damn bus faithfully the entire two years since I’d come here. But then what was the point now that I was out of the picture? I’d had a hunch all along that my persecution was a high for them.  

I stared out at the river forming over the normally packed street. Eerie to see it deserted. I thought about Faye again and closed my eyes, leaning back on the bench. It actually felt good, the rain beating down. I’d loved riding in the storms back at home. Thoughts of my black stallion panged me. I missed him like one missed an arm or leg. Daniel. I’ll come visit soon. I promise. They say a dog was man’s best friend, but in my world, it was that horse. And now God.

I tilted my face to the sky, letting the water hammer on the ache lingering in my flesh. Arms limp at my sides I let the rain pelt my body, imagining God showering me. It seeped into my mouth and I opened it a little.