Good thing [l.h.]

one

"Cat! Let's go. We'll be late." I heard my mom shouting from downstairs. I sighed, looking at the mirror for the last time. I had my favorite Green Day t shirt and black jeans on. I looked nice, but just the one thing damaged all my looks. My hair. I mean my none hair. 

I took my phone and ear buds from my bedside table. I opened the door and walked out of my room and down the stairs. I saw that my mom was already waiting outside, talking to the neighbour, Mrs. Clifford. 

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. I looked through the window, seeing my mom looking at the house every few seconds. That mean that either she and Mrs. Clifford were talking about me or she was getting frustrated that I wasn't outside yet. 

I finished the water and walked to the exit. I put my black vans on and walked outside.

"There she is" My mom said, turning to me. Mrs. Clifford looked at me too. "Hello, Mrs. Clifford" I said, trying to be nice to her. She already had an asshole son, so I might as well be nice to her.

"Hello, dear. How are you doing?" She asked, with a little smile on her face. I smiled back at her, walking over to them. "I'm fine." I gave her a short answer, hoping she wouldn't ask anything else. 

I didn't like talking about my disease. I hated, when people showed pity. I didn't need pity. 

I walked to the car and opened the passenger door. I put on a seat belt and waited for my mom to end her conversation with Mrs. Clifford. 

I turned on my music on shuffle. I heard the first chords of Still Need You Around by Valencia and I got comfy in my seat, already lost in music. 

I didn't even notice when my mom started the car. 

Music. The one and only thing that makes me feel better. The only thing that I honestly love. Everything else just pisses me off. That's probably why no one sticks around me, except my mom and older brother, Ashton.

I don't have friends. Probably because I think that I don't need any. I don't want anyone to be around when I'll give up on my fight. Fight with cancer.

My mom says that I should find some friends, but I always say that I don't need friends. I hate that I make my mom sad all the time, but to be honest, I can't help it. I know that I shouldn't be rude to people and I should stop pushing everyone away, but cancer made me start to think, that less people will stick around me, less they will hurt after I'll be gone.

We stopped at parking lot right in front of the hospital. I jumped out of the car, turning off my music and following my mom inside. We walked straight to the procedures room, already knowing where to go.

We were followed by nurses glances at us. They all knew me already. I was the regular visitor here. 

I walked in the room full of people like me. People with cancer. Older, younger, same age as me. I didn't talked to any of them and none of them talked to me. And that wasn't a problem to me.

"Hey Cat. How are you doing today?" My nurse, Kate, asked me. I sat on the chair and waited for her to put drip in my arm. "Fine." I shortly answered. Kate was nice, but as I said, I pushed everyone away.

"There you go" She said, finishing with my arm. "Now just wait for about 15 minutes, I'll be right back." I just nodded, letting her know that I understood. She walked away and left the room.

I sighed, looking around the room. My eyes landed on the old lady. I think her name was Meredit. She was about 70. I remember the first time I came here, about a year ago. She was the first one, who ever talked to me, but now, she is too weak to talk or move or do anything else.

I kept looking around. My eyes landing on kids, adults, teenagers with cancer. Some of them looked great, like it wasn't long until they will leave this hospital and never come back and others looked bad, like there was not much time left for them to live.

I know that a lot people with cancer is afraid of death. I wasn't afraid. I was afraid of other things.

I was afraid, that no one will remember my existence, just another teenage girl dead from cancer, nothing new, right? I was afraid of knowing, how much my mom and Ashton will be hurt. They'll need some time to get over it. 

My mom probably will cry herself to sleep, even more often then she does now. My brother will remember every single time he said something bad to me, even if he was joking and he'll wish that he had never said that, but it'll be too late.

Finally, the nurse came back and saved me from my thoughts, finishing what she had to do and letting me go. I walked out and went straight to my mom, telling her that we can go. 

I felt dizzy. Every time walking out of the hospital I felt dizzy. 

Thank god, I reached the car without collapsing on the ground.

I felt tired, even though I haven't done much. That's what cancer makes you feel like. Hopeless, tired, useless. 

We drove back home in silence, like always. I didn't talk much. I wasn't the one who starts or ends conversations. I was the one who tries to avoid any contact with people,  even with my mom.

I walked in the house, following by mom. "Is everything alright?" She asked me. I walked in the kitchen and took some orange juice from the fridge, filling a glass with it. I turned to her and nodded. "I just feel a little bit dizzy. Like always after the hospital." 

She smiled at me. Comforting smile. The smile that I loved to see on her face.

She stood in the middle of the kitchen, watching me drinking and washing the glass after I finished it. I turned to her and stepped right in front of her. "Don't worry, mom. Everything is gonna be alright." I said and hugged her tightly, taking her and myself by surprise.

I just wanted her to be happy.

She stepped aside, after we let go of each other, with a smile and teary eyes. I just realized that we haven't hugged for so long. It was amazing to feel her worm hug again.

I made my way up the stairs and into my room. I laid on my bed, too tired to do anything else at the moment and turned on some music. Soon i was lost in the beat and lyrics again.

-

first part of the new story. i'm really nervous about this one ahhh

don't judge me?

I hope you enjoy!