The Black Dahlia (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter IX - Hell in High Heels

A/N: Hello!! I know, I know. It's been ages and you hate me. But here's a 13 page, 6948 word apology. Even though you might end up hating me again.

Her words were a taunting echo in his mind.

I'm sorry.

'What the hell just happened?' He asked himself as he stared ahead of him, at the spot Lydia had occupied moments before. A million questions raced through his head at that point, so fast he couldn't grasp onto any of them long enough to even attempt to answer it. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, either. How was he supposed to feel? Embarrassed? Check. Angry? Check. Heartbroken? Check. Like he should have known better? Double check.

At a sluggish pace he tore himself away from his place and forced himself to walk out of the stranger's house and back to...theirs. Was it ever theirs? It felt wrong to call it that. But it also felt wrong not to.

James hesitated when he reached the front door but eventually got over it and went in. The house was just as silent as it had been when he left. Nothing seemed different. And heightening his sense of hearing (slightly) told him that Lydia wasn't here either. She left was his first thought. The panic started to seep in with a tightening of his chest but he managed to contain himself by sitting down and taking a few deep breaths.

He needed to leave.

The thought surprised him more than it should have. It's not like he hadn't thought about it before. He had. Many times, for different reasons. But not for a while, not since he had gotten comfortable enough around Lydia that he knew he was safe.

Things were different now. He had messed up their situation so badly that he had absolutely no clue as to what would happen next. Nothing good, surely.

As he ran up the stairs into his room he thought about how stupid he had been by ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him. But he didn't let himself wallow in those feelings for too long, as much as he wished he could change what happened it just wasn't possible, and it was time to move on.

There was a decently sized backpack in the back of the closet into which he stuffed his things from before and some clothes and other things Lydia had given him, just the things he thought he would need, he didn't want to take any more than he absolutely should. It didn't take him long to pull out the first aid kit under the bathroom sink to patch up his neck the best he could, taking some supplies after he was done.

Once he was finished with his the bedroom he went downstairs and grabbed some food, just enough to sustain him for a few days - if he didn't eat much - until he could find himself some proper shelter.

He was done a lot faster than he had anticipated, perhaps the mess of thoughts banging around in his mind were more useful than he'd imagined in distracting him from his current situation.

As he passed by the dining room he heard a scratching in the conservatory that made him halt. He knew what it was: Meredith was trying to get into the house. The Winter Soldier would have walked out of there without batting an eye, let her run off or be stolen and be none the wiser. But with a sigh he reminded himself that he was not that man anymore and that that dog loved him. While he walked over to open the conservatory door closest to him, he realized that he was going to miss that furry ball of energy more than he ever thought possible.

Meredith squished through the door with a happy whine as soon as it was ajar. The soldier watched carefully as she padded around him, smelling his boots as if she could tell something was wrong. He closed the door, making sure to lock it again before crouching down to the dog's level. She jumped up at him almost immediately and he laughed at her eagerness, he scratched her head and stroked her back a few times as she licked his face.