midnight in harlem | gawsten

01. "gonna carry this dream"

when he steps onto the bus, he is no longer sure why he's doing it at all. if honesty were taking precedent in the moment he might suspect that there was no real reason beyond utter fear. fear of his future, fear of home, fear of the past. and he was determined to let it blow behind him like dust in the wind.

so he steps up into the bus and hands the driver his money, instinctively heading as far back as he can. he finds the last row of seats empty and sits down, scooting himself in so he's up against the window.

he's got his earbuds in, music rolling over his head and transporting him somewhere beyond all of this. somewhere where he is safe, surrounded by the rich sounds of smooth guitars and pounding drums. it seems, as he watches the landscape around them melt from scene to scene as they barrel down the highway, he can maintain this little bubble all for himself. for a time, there is no worrying; just simply breathing.

he watches through absent eyes as the cotton candy skies burn out into the comforting pitch black of night, disguising the land in the shadows of midnight. there is no moon in the sky, though stars illuminate the land and give them some sense of direction. he is unfamiliar with the woods and towns they pass by, though he pays that thought no mind.

soon enough, they're pulling off an exit, and though he isn't sure where they're heading exactly, he wasn't worried. despite the dark of the night he thought it looked nice enough out that he should be fine with a bit of walking. then he would find a place to spend the night and gather his thoughts, and everything would work itself out.

yet, it seems that as soon as he steps off the bus and out into the biting winds of the night, he is no longer so sure of his plans. the city is bigger than he expected, and the air is less inviting. every street corner seems to be lurking with shadowy figures, every friendly face turns sour, every eye on him.

he doesn't know how long he walks before the tears start to brim and blur his vision, but he figures it must have been at least a half an hour. he just kept turning corners to find the same places he just saw. his phone was of no use - he barely got enough connection here to even load his maps app at all, let alone figure out where the hell he was supposed to be.

the neon lights of the bars and stores that he first found exciting now made his stomach churn; these were just places he wasn't going to be allowed into. and even if he could go in, he wasn't sure he wanted to; they all seemed to just radiate negative energy.

-

by the time he had circled hawk street for the third time, he thought he might have to just give up entirely. maybe he would just end up sleeping on a bench somewhere, begging for money out of an empty mug. he'd seen plenty of people like that tonight already; some were friendly, while others seemed rather aggressive with him for no good reason. he wanted to desperately to find somewhere to go, what with the growing winds and all, but he was nearly sure that wouldn't happen at his current rate.

the numbness had flown away, and in its place had grown a fear unlike any other he had ever experienced before. this was a horrible idea - he was lost, hungry, exhausted, and he was all alone. no mom or dad, no gracie or even travis to keep him grounded. what had originally enticed him had now become his adversary. then again, he supposed, at least out here he had a chance of being somebody. these were the first scary steps into the real world; and despite their harshness he invited them with open arms. well, as open arms as he could possibly have.

tears were now freely spilling from his eyes, and he prayed it wasn't obvious. he was approaching the same bar he'd passed by three times when he saw a group of figures come from the shadows to shine under the flickering navy blue neon lights. there were four of them, led by a tall boy who couldn't have been marginally older than he was. this boy remained outside as the others headed into the building, leaning against the fading brick walls as if he didn't know he was there. saying as he had said and done nothing since they arrived, he wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't noticed him at all.