Haibun/Haiku: Extinction
I am now a caretaker. I listen to all the old stories that repeat themselves every night as he sits despondently wasted in ale. I wonder to myself if he will stop repeating and come up with a new endeavor, but it is he that is allowed to be the fool; is it he who is allowed the affections and to bemuse those with an occasional illness which is fleeting but dramatic. I cast out his anchor early in the night, and do my best to keep him in line until he no longer becomes the happy, silly boy from the small town in Illinois and there is a violent nature that slits the throats of those around him, that pushes and pulls against everyone. I used to think that we were the lucky ones. We were free from his anger and retaliation, but we may have to live with the demon that he becomes forever. A friend recently told me that he will need 24 hour care soon, something that we cannot provide. Living in a hospital for the rest of his life; I could see his family surrendering him at the gabled doors of the emergency room, pushing him out of their moving vehicle and saying “see, he’s all yours to take care of “ and we would never see him again. They would take control and everything good and positive would be over. The present that remains in his life, would no longer exist and I would have no other option but to hide him away in a secret place until the illness took him physically from us. Until he surrendered; gave up. He would run out of medicine and supplies and the hallucinations might become stronger. He would feel me touching his skin, and go to grab my hand but it wouldn’t be there and I am sure that he would begin to lose his memory even more, not knowing who I am or what I am or what needs to be done to make sure that he is safe. He already doesn’t trust me.
Finches huddled in
the bright snow of November
blue rosary burns
