Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: What is wrong with Valkyrie?

Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: What is Wrong with Valkyrie?

Valkyrie Cain was recovering from yet another fight. She was sitting up in a white hospital bed in Kenspecle Grouse’s Science-Magical Faciluty with Skuldugery Pleasant sitting next to her in a chair. Suddenly Clarabelle, one of Kenspeckle’s assistant came in with a dazed expression. Clarabelle wasn’t exactly the brightest person Valkyrie knew, but she was one of the nicest. Clarabelle was carrying a strange clear bubbly liquid in a small cup.

"Hi!" Said Clarabelle brightly coming over. "The Proffesser told me to give you this before you go."

"Okay, said Valkyrie, thanks," taking the small cup and drinking it in one gulp, she opened her mouth to say something and suddenly collapsed .

"Valkyrie?" Asked Skulduggery getting up and shaking her shoulder. "Valkyrie? Wake up, Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie woke up as fast as she had passed out.

Her eyes opened and she squealed, "cantelope!"

"Huh?" Said Skulduggery looking at her wierdly.

Suddenly Valkyrie grabbed Skulduggery’s head and bit into it. "Bad cantelope!" She cried and started to wack his head against the bedside table, Skulduggery grabbed his head back and put it on.

Valkyrie looked up and saw Skulduggery’s necktie. She grabbed it and ripped off his neck, rolled it into a little ball and stuffed it into Skulduggery’s right eye socket. Then squealed in happiness.

Valkyrie grabbed Skulduggery’s jacket, then pulled it off of him and curled up in it. But when Skulduggery tried to take it back Valkyrie hissed and cried, "hippie!" at Skuduggery and bolted toward the door. But Skulduggery grabbed her before she could get out of the room. When he turned her around, he looked into Valkyrie’s eyes and saw something he had never seen before now in Valkyrie: stupidity. Valkyrie continued to scrabble at the air towards the door. Then she stomped on Skulduggery’s foot, and when he let go of her arm to grab his foot. She ran away down the hall and took a left. Right towards where Kenspeckle was. Valkyrie!!! He roared. As he pulled the neck tie out of his eye socket.

Then she snuck right up behind Kenspeckle and she slowly, quietly took off her shoe and shoved her shoe into his face and said, taste my cheese!!!!

Kenspeckle gagged in disgust as the shoe was shoved into his mouth. And  Valkyrie squealed, you like my leaf!!!! Then she squrried off down the hallway. A few minutes later Skulduggery appeared in the doorway. He saw Kenspeckle gagging, he cocked his head as Kenspeckle picked up what appeared to be one of Valkyrie’s boots. Kenspeckle then chucked the shoe at the doorway, not realizing Skulduggery was standing there. Skulduggery ducked just as the boot sailed over his head, hit the wall and fell to the floor.

Meanwhile…..

Valkyrie ran down the hallway and saw a door open. She squealed and said in a whispering, excited tone. Candle jug! She zoomed into the room and closed the door by barricading it. She looked around and saw gallons of medicine. Ohhhhhhhh……. She said happily and grabbed one. She poured the cold liquid down her back, and said, sheeeeeep! While her eyes crossed. She grabbed another and said, I’m going to eat nummy! Valkyrie started playing with the jug, holding it above her head. The cap popped off and the medicine poured all over her hair. And trickled down her entire body.

Back with Skulduggery and Kenspeckle…..

What, said Skulduggery, was that? And Kenspeckle looked up at Skulduggery and said flatly, taste my cheese.

Skulduggery got back up and said, are you feeling okay Professer?

Taste my cheese, he said again.