Hell is Empty

Hell is Empty- Chapter 7

I find her in our swiftly darkening bedroom. In the gloom I just about make out that George or someone has left a candle and lighter on the chest of draws and I light the wick, bringing it and the plate it sits on with me to the corner where Mia is curled up. I place the candle on the bedside table and stare at the looming dark shadows it throws up for a moment as I sit with Mia. In the orange glow, she looks different somehow, smaller, insignificant. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t ever seen her upset yet, not properly. Maybe it’s a bit of both. We just sit in silence for a while, watching each other’s faces changing in the flickering light before I speak, partially out of a need to comfort her and partially because I want to drown out or at least distract her from the sound of angry shouting below.

“If it helps, I think Rust is a total tosser too.” She almost smiles and I can see she’s trying not to. Mia doesn’t give me the impression of a person who can hold negative emotion inside for all that long. She’s an emitter, she’ll readily absorb emotion, but she has to expel it just as fast, and of course, she’s an excellent conductor of sunshine and life.

“I actually protested against his party when I was actually at uni.” She says. “Fat lot of good that did, obviously.”

“Still, at least Rust isn’t actually calling the shots.”

“He may as well be. And if something happens to the Prime Minister, that’s it. He’s in.” She bites her teeth, small white pearls digging into the soft flesh of her dark lips. “It just scares me I guess. People think it can’t get any worse than it is now. But it can. It can and it will for the queer girls and boys, for the ones who can’t fight for themselves, for those who are too vulnerable to survive.” I’ve been staring at my feet, hugging my knees but I glance up at her and see a silent tear slide down the round of her cheek, pockmarked a little from long gone acne. I have discovered many things about Mia in the short days I have known her and now I can add smart to the list. I guess I knew from the beginning, but I’ve always expected optimists to have some sort of rosy view of the world that didn’t make sense given the chaos around us. Even now. But I suppose Mia is really one of the smartest of us, or if not that, then she’s certainly among the bravest; to see the world for what it is and still hold your head up high and see the sky through the clouds, well, it’s definitely a skill I envy.

I stretch my arm out and pull her in so her head rests on my shoulder and I can offer some proper comforting.

“It’ll be okay.” I say, though I know neither of us believes it at this point. “And if things get too much here, if shit hits the proverbial fan,” That gets a little giggle. “We’ll just move on. That’s how I’ve been living for months now. I don’t like a place? Move on. Someone pisses me off? Move on. Place is great apart from that pesky bombing problem? Move on. Simple. And it’s not even as bad as it sounds, not really.”

“You have to pee in the woods. And there’s no food.” She says, though I know she’s only teasing.

“Yeah, but there’s no soldiers. No endless rules and curfews and guns. And when you get tired, you go find yourself a Zone, rest up a bit, and then go on your merry way.” She closes her eyes and leans into me a bit further, adjusting her feet to make her position more comfortable.

“That sounds nice.”

“It is, all things given.”

“Callie?”

“Yeah.”

“When you decide it’s time to move on, when things start to suck, will you take George and I with you?” I glance down at her face; I know she’s older than me, but already I’m considering her like a little sister. Someone to look out for, to protect from all the stuff I know is really out there. Sometimes in this world it seems as though age isn’t determined in physical ways anymore but by how much shit you’ve been through and how much of your soul it took with it.