Humans

Pet Weddings

Once upon a time my mother, my sisters and I were in the car (obviously the exciting beginning we were all anticipating.) and we were driving to the mall or Target (probably Target cuz my mom practically lives there) and we stop at a red light right beside PetCo. We look at the billboard that reads "Free Wedding For Your Pet Saturday 11-5".

Now, I'm not a huge animal person but I have nothing against those who are. In fact, I would love to get a dog., but alas, my sisters are petrified of them. However, when you are so into animals that you want them to "tie the knot", that's a little left of center. I can just imagine it now:

You help your fluffy pup into the chic wedding doggy wedding dress you bought for 300 bucks from PetCo's wedding department. As she licks your face for the last time as a bachelorette, you shed some tears. Your baby girl is really growing up. She's not the same as when you first got her from PetCo, three months ago. She really has changed and you can see her maturity through the way that she only pees on your white lining room carpet once every week. How very considerate of her.

But there is no time to reflect on these past months because the wedding is about to start. You rush to the front of the "church" that the PetCo workers set up to make the big day feel and look authentic. You sit down on the plastic chairs that are set together to resemble pews (resemble is the operative word here). You look down the aisle as music from an employee's iPhone fills the area.

You smile as your pup's best friends patter down the aisle, which just so happens to be the doggy treat aisle, wearing their pink bridesmaid doggy dresses that you picked up in PetCo's wedding department as well. They were not cheap, but you will do anything to make sure your little girl's special day is perfect.

Your friends aka the bridesmaids mommies sigh in happiness as they watch their babies strutting down the aisle. No doubt they are thinking of their pup's wedding that is scheduled to take place in an hour. Your dog is going to be a bridesmaid to all of her friends and you are so proud that she has made such good friends so quickly. Even though you and your friends made sure to have puppy play dates three times a week and practically shoved their puppies in each other's faces, the friendship was completely your pup's doing.

You smooth out your extremely fancy chiffon mother-of-the-bride dress that you actually bought at David's Bridal, which is surprisingly a wedding store for humans. Who knew? Your dress might be a little more special if your friends weren't wearing the same one. You all went to David's Bridal and happened to like the same mother-of-the-bride dress. Since people might not know who the mother actually was and that would get confusing, they made a sign that said "Mother of the Bride". Since it was your dog's wedding, you had the honor of wearing the sign around your neck for the next ten minutes.

A yappy chihuahua, your friend's dog's little sister, is the flower girl, as she is wearing a white tutu looking thing and is holding a basket in her mouth filled with rose petals. They are fake. Safety precaution. Right next to her, the young ring bearer prances down the aisle, holding a pillow with white stretchy wristlets tied down. You cringe. The ring bearer, who is teething, is probably slobbering all over your grandmother's handmade pillow.

Then the music changes to "Here Comes the Bride" and all the guests all turn around to face the end of the aisle, all anticipating the arrival of your pup. Her groom is standing erect at the end of the aisle, with a leash around his neck. He likes to run so one of the employees has the end of his leash in a tight grip.

Then, your beautiful daughter walks down the aisle, your husband holding her leash, because, like her future husband, she too is a runner. The employees roll their eyes as you start to tear up and dab at your eyes. They have seen the likes of you all day and they are done with all the sappy mothers.

You can't help but pull out your embroidered handkerchief through the manager's wedding speech. When your puppy barks an "I do" you finally dissolve into a puddle of tears. That was the most beautiful ceremony you have ever been to.

In actuality it would all be chaos with barking and actual crying on the parts of the owners.

I would have loved to just sit in on one of those weddings to see how it would turn out. If anyone came in at all, that is.

My sister was literally leaning out the window with my mom's phone, trying to get a picture of the sign. I tried to get it on my snapchat story but it was too blurry.

I can just picture a family of four driving past the sign:

"What should we do today, kids?" The father asks, turning the car down a busy road. "

Little Johnny looks out the window and stares at a Billboard in the PetCo parking lot. "Hey Mommy, Daddy, lets get Fido married today"

His sister, Suzy, jumps up and down in her car seat excitedly. "Please Mommy, please, please, please can we!?? Fido needs a woman in his life!"

Her parents smile at each other in the front seat. "What a great idea kids! Let's go marry Fido!" Dad pulls the car into the parking lot and the car erupts in squealing and barking from the groom.

Or someone from out of state sees the sign and just automatically assumes we all are part of a mental hospital and gets the heck out of there as fast as his speedy Porsche will take him.

A/N

This is my take on pet weddings!! Please tell me what you think and leave your hilarious comments!

If you love pets, please don't take this personally. I'm sure your pets love you too. Just do me a favor and don't get them married. :)

If you like fanfics, go check out my book, Protecting You! It would be most appreciated!

I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading!

xxEmily