annabelle hayden
{edited}
My mother always told me not to love too much, not to trust too much, not to hope for too much, she said this only because the too much can hurt you so much. Now, when she told me this i didn't process it as much as i do now because honestly what thirteen year old has loved and lost greatly, yeah i guess a thirteen year old could've trusted someone they shouldn't have.
Like, Tiffany Scott, my middle school best friend who i confided in. But like every girl who wants to fit in and be accepted by the "popular" people she exposed my crush on Calum Hood to Allison Fitzgerald. She was accepted by the popular people but also lost my friendship along with a few of her secrets of her own being exposed because who the fuck actually does that to their "Best friend" but in all honesty i think that's the worst thing that could happen to a thirteen year old so early in life.
Also, when i was thirteen i hoped for a lot. I hoped for that love at first sight and that romance novel perfect relationship, or a relationship with someone who was abnormally perfect and had virtually no flaws. But, lets be real, can that actually happen? no, because life doesn't work that way. Love at first sight is kind of bullshit, its kind of bullshit because if its truly love at first sight then its a love based off of looks. How can you honestly tell what someones personality is by looking at them.
I myself have not experienced "love at first sight."so you may say that its not how i described it but that's how it comes off to me. I have always gotten to know a person before dating. Because, i fall in love with words and actions not looks or their popularity.
Most of my relationships started off as friendships. My most recent relationship with Kyle Masterson is an example of this. Kyle wasn't like most boys who went to my school. Instead of having eyes that glimmered with hope and a better tomorrow, Kyle's eyes were dull and almost lifeless and it was one of the things that most interested me about him, how different he was. His style differed from others. He was new and interesting to me. He was a better writer than speaker, much like myself. He could write beautiful poetry and song lyrics that would either have you in tears or falling at his feet. He had flaws i will admit it, but who doesn't now a days. Kyle and I became friends and about 3 months after becoming really close friends we began dating, we broke up due to him moving. The breakup was mutual.
But now that i reflect on my life i see that i have these walls built up and i dont think anyone could break them down.
