HARLEQUIN KISSES //LASHTON//

|Impact|

•••Luke•••
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"I found solace in the strangest place
Way in the back of my mind
I saw my life in a stranger's face
And it was mine"
—- Sia |Alive|
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I've traveled down many roads.

I've seen many sunsets, and I've slept under many starry skies. I've been in many cars and walked many footpaths. I've seen smiles that radiated sunshine, and I've witnessed tears that emitted pure heartbrokenness. I've felt the rain on my skin and the soil of the earth between my toes. To some that would sound beautiful, and it was for quite some time. But the farther I traveled, the more I realized I was trying compensate for what I didn't have. And then it took over, the loneliness.

Empty cars only take you so far. What I've discovered is that humans have an innate need for contact and communication. We crave interaction, and quite frankly without it, we'd individually go insane. Now not many people will admit this when confronted directly. Ask someone and sometimes they'll tell you they enjoy being alone. Incorrect. Those people have never really been alone. They enjoy a few hours of quiet before unavoidably making contact with another person. They don't know the true void that is loneliness. They've never looked around them and only seen shadows in the place of flesh and blood.

It was a deep-rooted feeling I had learned to bury in the depths of my very being. I knew it was for the greater good; I had to be alone. People like me couldn't be loved. It was for their own good.

Now this was the way I have lived my life for several years now. No home. No definite answers. It was just an eternity of going in different directions, picking up whatever was handed to me in that moment. Now this could get me in trouble, but it hadn't - yet. I'm what I would consider a normally careful person. I don't talk much, at least not to strangers, which is what most of the people in my life are. I consider words to be beautiful things that are often mistreated. I've said the wrong things before, and it has had dire consequences. I do not intend on ever causing that kind of chaos again. But then again, no one ever does...

It was late, but I knew there had to be at least one bus left coming to this stop. I checked my watch 12:17 a.m. "Damn". I whispered to myself. It was later than I thought. The cool air whipped around me, and the trees whispered their stories into the wind, red and brown leaves making their own way across the abandoned streets. Several streetlamps lit up various portions of the road with their ghoulish orange glow. It would've felt surreal if I weren't so used to moments like these. In fact, I'd learned to enjoy them. It was if I was the last man on Earth, an apocalyptic anomaly. A universal inaccuracy. A born aberration.

I sat on the cold metal bench, and wrapped my arms around myself, weighing my options. I didn't have many. I could stay the night at the stop and perhaps catch the first bus in the morning, or I could keep moving. Walk the roads and watch the stars. I often found they were better company than people anyways. Stars didn't judge you or spit harsh words. They didn't give evil stares or abandon you at your weakest. They just shone. This was partially the reason why I had always preferred the night to daytime. There was something different about seeing things in the dark; it was a whole new perspective, a whole new world.

So I decided to walk. It wasn't like I hadn't done this before. Plus I had to keep moving. I had been here for too long, and I felt the paranoia beginning to creep in. I never liked staying in one place too long. Too many faces, too much noise.

My shadow danced across the orange light as I simply headed in the opposite direction I came from. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but that was never an issue. I never had to know where I was going, only that I would end up somewhere different than where I started. That was the goal, after all. Never stay in one place too long as to create memories; life was just easier when it was all forgettable. Life was just easier when you didn't have to remember. So I spent mine consistently looking towards the future. The past had nothing for me, or at least nothing I wanted. It wanted nothing but to remind me, and I wanted anything but. So I subconsciously parted ways with the past over that simple create difference. Because I knew if I went back, if I gave it even one visit, it would only be the first domino in a chain reaction that would ultimately end in my descending back into the dark void.