my life with you {cheryl tweedy}

April 14th, 2018

Cheryl

I throw me phone on the sofa and instantly feel meself missing Mel.  I want to talk to me baby for ages but I can't when she's meant to be having fun. The last I remember a time when I wasn't with Melanie for a bit of time was when she was a little over one. I had gone out to meet up with the girls in London for the first time. It was hard on us, so I made sure not to ever leave her again. The silence just kills us.

Maybe that was selfish of us but I needed her. She is  the light in me life and keeps us thriving. But, then again, I should have given her more independent experiences back then. Now, she has severe separation anxiety and does not even know it. I hope that she will never have to figure it out but I had to send her off at some point.

I make me way upstairs and see that it is already five in the early night. I do not usually mope around but when Melanie's not here, I can't help it. I want to be bubbly and have a lovely weekend but it is different when I am too busy worrying.

I lay down in me bed and pull the duvet over meself.  I turn on the telly and keep the volume low.  Addie comes to lay next to us and I stroke her head as I watch random shows.  Soon enough, me eyes become heavy and I fall right into a deep nap.

☆☆☆

I wake up from me nap and look around, seeing Addie snoozing away next to us.  I stretch me arms as I sit up and grab me phone from the bedside table.  I scroll through me notifications and find a few texts from Mel that ask how me day has been.

I realize that it is nine at night and I roll me eyes.  I want to go out but me body's disagreeing with us.  It is insane how much a pregnant woman goes through in a matter of weeks.  Just imagine, I was pregnant when I was in the Maldives — pregnant.

I honestly was not sure if I ever wanted kids after Melanie. She is me world and I never want to take that away from her. I know that when she finds out about this baby, she may become upset. The last thing I need is for Melanie to become jealous and distant — it will become the "Tré situation" all over again.

Then again, Melanie could be happy.  There will finally be someone besides us who will wholeheartedly love her.  There will be someone who will not judge her.  There will be someone who gives her affection no matter what.  A little baby brother or sister could benefit Melanie — help her.  It could make all her separation anxiety and fears go away.

☆☆☆
Melanie

This morning has been tough without Mamma.  I am beginning to experience more anxiety and mini panic attacks every time I realize she is not here.  But I keep pushing on and do not mind all the worries.  My friends are here to help and I am over the moon to be going to Coachella today.

"Hey, ready to go?" Sierra asks me as I step out into the California sun.  I nod my head and look towards the boys and Emmeline, who are packing up the car.

For day one, I decided to go for a white bando top with some basic light wash shorts.  I am wearing my white high-top converse to match the shirt.  Sierra did space buns in my hair and threw some glitter in them to make them shine in the sun.  We all put glitter on our cheeks as well to add some cool details to all our looks.

"Jen!" Sierra shouts into the house, seeing as she is the only one we are waiting on.

"What?!" Jen shouts back as she makes her way down the stairs.  She throws her hands in the air in annoyance and I just shake my head and laugh.