As Darkness Falls

10

The next evening, at Zoe’s place, after they’d had dinner, Zoe came into the lounge, holding her phone, and sat down on the couch next to Sara.

“Are you watching that especially?” Zoe said, looking at the TV.

Sara shook her head, and switched it off.

“Thank you,” Zoe said.

“Are you okay?” Sara said.

“Yep,” Zoe said, but then just sat there, hugging herself, holding the phone, not speaking.

“Should I hug you too?” Sara said.

“What?” Zoe said, then, “Too?”

“You’re hugging you,” Sara said. “Should I hug you too?”

Zoe looked down at herself, at her arms, and then said, “Oh.” She seemed surprised, and Sara suddenly wondered if Zoe didn’t actually realize she did that.

“Should I?” Sara said.

Zoe nodded, and Sara did. She hugged Zoe for a moment.

“I’m going to phone my family,” Zoe said into Sara’s neck.

Sara hugged her a little tighter.

“I think I need to,” Zoe said.

“Then you should.”

Zoe sat up, away from Sara, and looked at her phone. She dialled, and seemed to be doing it quickly, perhaps before she changed her mind. She dialled, and then hugged herself again as the phone rang.

Sara watched her, unsure quite what to do.

“Mum,” Zoe said after a moment. “It’s me.”

Zoe listened for a moment, and then started saying yes and no and yes, quietly. Sara could only hear Zoe’s end of the conversation, and Zoe wasn’t talking very much. Only to answer questions, it sounded like. Sara had the strangest feeling that Zoe’s mother was asking how she was, and if she was safe, and taking care of herself. Sara supposed anyone would ask that, even in a family like Zoe’s.

After a few minutes, the conversation seemed to move on. Zoe began listening for longer at a time, and she said, “Maybe,” several times in a row.

She was being asked to do something, Sara thought.

“I’ll think about it,” Zoe said, and looked at Sara. She listened a little more, and then said, “Maybe. But I’d have to bring my girlfriend.”

Sara was a little surprised by that.

“Yes,” Zoe said. “Yes, girlfriend.”

There was a pause, and Zoe said, “Yep, I’ll let you know.”

There was another, longer pause, and then Zoe said, “Bye,” and hung up. She said it quickly, slightly sharply, as if she was interrupting someone speaking. She probably was, Sara thought. That had sounded like a pretty abrupt ending.

Zoe put the phone down on the coffee table, and stared it for a while. She was still hugging herself, and Sara still wasn’t sure what to do.

After a while, Zoe looked up at Sara.

“You’d do anything I asked you to?” Zoe said.

“I would. I love you.”

“Anything?” Zoe said. “Even if it isn’t as exciting as murdering people?”

Sara opened her mouth to tell Zoe not to talk like that, to say that if Zoe ever wanted to actually do what they’d discussed, then they shouldn’t be making jokes about it in case someone overheard. Sara almost said that, and then decided it wasn’t the time. Not now, not for a conversation about being successful criminals.

Especially when Zoe was still looking at her, waiting.

“Anything,” Sara said. “Absolutely anything. Whatever you need me to do.”

“They want me to go and see them.”

“Fuck,” Sara said, despite herself. “Oh my god, why?”

“To talk,” Zoe said. “To make up, I suppose.”

“Oh,” Sara said. “Shit.” She was a little shocked. She had no idea whether this was a good idea or not. “Do you want to?” she said after a moment’s thought.

“I think I do. Maybe.”

Sara waited.

“I do,” Zoe said. “But only if you’ll come too.”

“Of course I will.”

“And it’s not to see him,” Zoe said. “I can’t see him. And I can’t anyway, I think, because there’s a court order or something. It’s to see the rest of them. To talk to them about everything.”

“Oh,” Sara said. “Like for healing or whatever?”

“I suppose so,” Zoe said. She thought for a moment. “Is this an awful idea?”

“I don’t know. Will it help you?”

“Maybe.”

“We could wait a little,” Sara said, trying to be practical. “You could think about it for a while. We don’t have to hurry into anything…”

“No,” Zoe said. “I think I need to go now, if I’m going to. As soon as possible. Or I need to decide right now that I never want to see them again.”

“Well… do you ever want to see them again?”

“I want to see my sisters. I think.”

Sara nodded.

“I want to, but I can’t do this without you there, and they’ll be utter shits to you. I mean, you think coming out is bad…”

“I don’t mind,” Sara said.

“Yeah you do. You hate it when…”

“No, I mean, for this. For you. I don’t mind what happens.”

“Are you sure?”

Sara leaned over and kissed Zoe. “Whatever you need,” she said. “Anything.”

“They’ll be awful.”

“Awful like…”

“Pretty much the obvious, yeah.”

Sara shrugged. “I’m a cop,” she said. “I’ve been called names before.”

Zoe sat there for a while. “Thank you.”

Sara kissed her again.

“Really, thank you,” Zoe said.

“No worries,” Sara said.

They sat there for a while. Zoe had gone quiet again, and seemed to be thinking. She wasn’t talking, wasn’t trying to decide anything, as far as Sara could tell, she was just remembering. And too much remembering was probably a bad idea, Sara thought. At least, remembering on its own, without talking or resolution, that didn’t seem wise. Perhaps Zoe ought not to, Sara thought. Perhaps they ought to move on to something else, to get on with the evening, and not brood about all this too much.

“Do you want tea or something?” Sara said.

It was a bit arbitrary, but tea might help. It might get them thinking about what to do next. Not that there was really very much to think about. Sara would watch TV, or she would watch Zoe play video games, one or the other was about it. But either of those was probably better than sitting in a quiet room, staring at a switched-off TV.

“Tea?” Sara said, and Zoe hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. Sara stood up. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

Zoe smiled, as if she understood what Sara was doing. She held out her phone. It was switched off now, Sara noticed. Zoe had switched it off sometime since she’d made the call. “Could you put this on to charge?” Zoe said.

Sara nodded, and took the phone to the charger in the kitchen, and went and filled the kettle too, while she was up.