Unrequited

Chapter 19 (part 1)

I listened to Harry talk for twenty minutes straight without interrupting. I don’t know if it was because I was so bewildered by his experience of the day or because I was so entranced by his voice. Probably both. I had started out curled up next to him, looking up at his eyes as he spoke. He occasionally met my gaze but mainly just stared off into space, searching for the right words. When my position became a bit uncomfortable, I leant my cheek against his shoulder and watched our intertwined hands resting on his knee, neither of us daring to move in case the other took it as a hint they wanted to move away. Harry finished his patchy recount, the both of us still leaned back against the headboard of my bed. I couldn’t tell whether I felt more relieved or just plain stupid. When I voiced this, he smiled. “Well we’re both stupid then. We both let ourselves be deceived.”

“That makes me feel a bit better then.”

He left around four in the morning, our conversation having dissolved completely and as much as we’d liked to have lay there until it was time to get up, we wanted to minimise the risk of people’s suspicion as much as possible. Thankfully I had become drowsy enough in our lack of conversation to drift off to sleep after Harry left with a simple kiss on my forehead. My sleep was free of dreams that night. I was finally at peace without knowing I had been in any significant conflict in the first place. I was too good at lying to myself.

As I had hoped, Harry was the first person I saw after I woke up. I’d stayed in bed daydreaming too late and was in a rush to get ready. Half way through changing, I had to answer the door in pyjama shorts and a jumper. I knew at once it would be him waiting there and I dashed across the room, stopping a few seconds before I opened the door in an attempt to to catch my breath and slow my heartbeat. My attempts were unsuccessful and I was becoming increasingly impatient. I swung the door open to a beaming Harry.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I breathed rather pathetically. We stood there staring at each other for an immeasurable moment, giddy smiles on our faces. 

“Uh, so I’m guessing you’re not quite ready yet?” He nodded down at my shorts. Following his gaze, I replied, “Not quite. Come in for a second.”

Hands in his coat pockets he sank down on to my bed, looking up at me expectantly. I retrieved my jeans from the ground and moved towards the bathroom, telling him I’d be a moment. I left the bathroom door open, not with any questionable intentions (Harry was safe from any view of me from where he was sitting) - solely for the purpose of talking. 

“You’re late ya know!” he called out.

“I know, I know,” I groaned. “Though you are too now, ya know.”

“And the blame is entirely on you for that one!” 

I hopped around the bathroom trying to pull my jeans on - they were almost impossible to wear when they’d been newly washed. 

“All packed?” he asked, not giving me a chance to retaliate his previous jab.

“Almost,” I grunted, having just collided with the wall in my attempts to force my second leg into the pants. I heard him laugh quietly.

“Do I want to know exactly what’s going on in there?”

“Skinny jeans. Are. A. Killer,” I enunciated, just managing to do up the zip. Slightly out of breath, I pushed my hair off my face, trying to retain a somewhat dignified appearance. I then began to pack into my little toiletry bag the sea of bottles and tubes and packets that were strewn out across the bench. Knowing I was so late agitated me and I tried to stuff everything in as fast as I could - a technique that I knew never worked. Sure enough, half the items didn’t fit and I turned the bag upside down and let everything come clattering back down onto the bench as I huffed impatiently. I hated being late. 

“Hey.” Harry was in the doorway, head leaning on the door frame as he grinned at me, apparently amused. “The buses aren’t leaving without us. Don’t stress.” My mouth curled into a small smile and I took an exaggerated deep breath for his benefit.

Having packed the bag more strategically this time, I double checked the bathroom for anything I’d left and then passed Harry who stood aside to let me through. I smacked my forehead upon returning to the bedroom. 

“I haven’t made the bed!”

“You’re kidding right?”

I turned to Harry giving him a look.

“Is this like the dishes thing?”, he asked, already knowing the answer. I nodded timidly. He sighed. 

“Quickly, I’ll help you.”

Taking opposite sides of the bed, we turned back the covers. He caught my eye as I was tucking in the sheets in on my side. His movements slowed and his smile widened as neither of us looked away. He then shook his head, perhaps in response to some secret joke and stood up, reaching for the other blankets. I began to giggle all of a sudden, without being entirely sure why. Harry stared at me blankly for a second and within moments we had both dissolved into proper laughter. I guessed the hysterical euphoria had finally begun to catch up with me as I doubled over, suddenly completely disbelieving of the situation I’d found myself in with the boy across the room. The boy that was now scrambling over the freshly made bed in hysterics himself as he threw his arms around me. I’ll never forget that moment. We just stood there, wrapped up in each other, shaking with laughter. It was a moment of beautiful naivety. It so reminded me of being a kid and just laughing at anything and everything and not being able to stop. In that instant, we were just two kids, fully engulfed in an insane happiness and completely ignorant of any darkness that threatened to settle over us. We both knew exactly what the other was thinking - we’d both been so ridiculously stupid the past few weeks. We had focused so much on concealing our true feelings that we hadn’t realised the other felt the same way. Now that we’d both become aware of the truth so vastly different to what we’d believed, well, it really was something to laugh about. We hadn’t gone through the whole intense conversation yet, working out the exact feelings of the other (both previous and current), the finer points of out relationship and so on. No, right now we were just losing ourselves in the sheer happiness after the shock. Next would be my phase of disbelief, I was sure but I couldn’t have cared less about it at that point. When at last my dying giggles became muffled in Harry’s shoulder, he pulled back to look at me, his expression telling me he would burst out laughing again at any second.He tipped his head back towards the door.

“We’ll go then?”

“If we have to,” I smiled, coyly.

“‘Kay.”

At first we didn’t move at all and I wondered how long we would stay like that. Reality came knocking quite literally when we heard my Mum’s voice from outside the door. 

“Charlotte, for God’s sake, you’d better be up!”

I watched as Harry’s eyes widened. He then slapped a hand over his mouth as he sputtered into laughter again. I was suddenly petrified she’d open the door but at the same time I was finding our situation just as hilarious as Harry was - I luckily just had the restraint to hold it in.

“Yeah, I’m almost ready!” I yelled out, my voice strained. “I’ll meet you down there, Mum!”

“Alright. Just hurry, Charlotte!” she yelled impatiently.

I exhaled in relief and then took one look at Harry and broke down again. I had a pretty good idea of what the rest of the day was going to be like if Harry and I were around each other.

When we finally got out of the hotel, Harry strategically leaving a couple of minutes before I did, the boys, Mum, Sam, Therese and the bus drivers were huddled around one of the buses looking a bit grim. 

“...just going to have to all go in the one bus. I’ll get it fixed and meet you all down there later today,” I heard Andy say.

“Bus has broken down,” Harry informed me, turning as I reached the little group. 

“Alright, everyone. Into the working bus then,” my mother called, a detectable undertone of frustration in her voice. It suddenly dawned on me I would be spending a whole bus ride, cooped up with eight other people in a confined space. Two of those people were Harry and my mother. How I was ever going to retain a dignified appearance while in my delirious honeymoon state, I had no idea.