Unrequited

Chapter 18 (Part 1)

“Charlotte! Wait a minute!” My full-pelt run had subsided into a brisk walk, the tears still rolling down my face with no intention of stopping. I had turned a corner and noticed the Novotel sign a little way down the street and hoped my mother wasn’t around, taking suitcases into the hotel or maybe even coming to find me. I ignored the concerned calls behind me. 

“Char!” Niall said firmly, grabbing my arm from behind and forcing me to stop walking. I refused to turn and look at him and concentrated instead on wiping away the makeup from under my eyes in the hope that I may look less devastated than I felt. A quick glance at Niall’s expression as he moved to face me shattered that glimmer of hope. He looked insanely worried. Still gripping my arm, he spoke quietly but firmly, emphasising each word. 

“Char, please. What’s going on?” I bit my lip and shook my head slowly. Even if I had wanted to tell him, there was no way I could have gotten the words out. Recounting everything out loud would have made it seem scarily real and heartbreakingly final. Part of me wanted to keep running, through the streets of Glasgow I wasn’t at all familiar with and therefore guaranteed to get wonderfully lost in. The other part of me was totally reassured by the touch on my arm and the panicked voice that went with it. I found I was able to control my sobs as Niall’s pleas became more feverish. He suddenly grabbed me tightly by my upper arms. 

“Charlotte you’re scaring me!” He spoke fervently, the force of his words causing him to shake me a little. 

“I can’t, Niall,” I said as though I were begging him, my words coming out in white clouds and dissolving almost instantly in the air. I looked at him fleetingly, noting the agitated look in his eyes, the hard set of his mouth. My arms restricted by Niall’s hold, I raised my hand awkwardly to swipe at some tears. 

“Why not?” His voice was strained as he pleaded with me and he was slightly out of breath after having to chase a hysterical teenage girl through the streets of Glasgow. 

“I just can’t, okay? Niall, trust me. It’s nothing important and I’ll be alright eventually. It’s something I have to deal with myself.” He looked unconvinced with my shaky voice but nevertheless, he slackened his grip and stepped back from me. He then spoke slowly, enunciating each word in this beautifully heartfelt manner that only he was capable of mastering. Directed at you, his words were so sincere that I had no doubt he could make anyone believe wholeheartedly in anything he said. 

“Char, you’re never like this. This isn’t a side of you I’m pleased to see. Just then,” he said, pointing a thumb back in the direction of the buses, “back there on the bus? That looked like something important to me.” I maintained my blank stare at his face, his cheeks flushed, his eyebrows knit together in worry. I pursed my lips and scuffed my fluffy Ugg boot-like slippers on the ground. “You’re not going to tell me are you?” I gave a sympathetic frown as my answer and he nodded slowly as if he’d guessed it long before. “Okay.” Then he raised his eyebrows like a parent warning their child not to do something they shouldn’t. “But you need to promise me some things, Char. First, that whatever’s going on, you don’t keep it to yourself, ‘kay? It never helps.” 

I made a gesture of agreement, pouting and nodding in a serious manner though his words were weirdly turning my insides to mush. “And...?”

“And that when you’re ready to talk you come straight to me, alright? No matter what time or where we are. Even if I’m...I don’t know, on stage! I’m here, okay?” I nodded in response, hoping I could convey to him how thankful I really was, though I was unable to put it in words at that exact moment. “Right, then,” he said, shifting his stance and putting his hands in his pockets. “Shall we go back to the buses and then get up to our new rooms?” he suggested, hoping to brighten the mood, if only marginally.