To The Only Boy I've Loved Before

In Too Deep

Being with Joey was so easy that sometimes Lauren let herself pretend it wasn't fake. And that right there was the problem.

The more she got used to being with him, the more it was going to hurt when their relationship, whatever it was, eventually ended. Because she was really starting to like him. Like, like him like him. The longer it went on, the more difficult it was going to be for both of them.

She was so mad at herself. She should have seen this coming. But for whatever reason she had agreed to fake date him, and now she was growing more and more scared that once all this was over they wouldn't be able to be friends anymore. She wasn't sure she could handle not speaking to Joey ever again.

So she made up her mind that she had to take things into her own hands and end this now before it went too far. Hopefully this way they could still be friends, and forget the whole thing had ever happened.

"Hey Lo," Joey said, walking up to her across the room as they were waiting for the professor to get there, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She gave him a vague smile and immediately grabbed his arm, pulling him into an empty corner of the room where they could talk without being overheard.

"Look, Joey," she hissed so as not to attract the attention of her classmates. "I don't think that either one of us thought that this was going to go on for this long, but Darren and I are cool now, I'm worried about how our friendship will be affected if we let this carry on, I think we need to call it."

Joey gave a humourless laugh.  "I can't believe you're trying to break up with me right before the ski trip. That's in the contract!"

Lauren had actually completely forgotten that the trip was coming up.

"Well, it was only if we were still together," she said. She knew how badly Joey wanted to go on this trip, but she just couldn't do it.

"We are still together!" Joey said, and then lowered his voice again at the heads that swivelled towards them curiously. "You're just trying to pull out because you're scared," he said, ducking his head down towards her.

"What do I have to be scared about?"

"You tell me, Lopez."

He just looked at her expectantly, his tone cold but his eyes begging her for an answer.

She looked at the floor. How was she supposed to tell her fake boyfriend that the reason she couldn't keep pretending with him was because she was starting to have real feelings? She couldn't. 

Instead, she tried the only bargain she thought might get her out of this.

"I'll go if Jaime goes."

At that moment the professor came in and she walked off, grateful at the escape.

"So why is Joey harassing me about the ski trip?" Jaime asked her as they walked back to their apartment after class ended. "I thought you'd jump at the chance to get to spend time with him, I don't know why you'd want me there. And besides, you know I hate skiing."

"Yes, exactly, and that is why I told him that I would only go if you went, knowing that you wouldn't," Lauren told her triumphantly.

"Wait, but you have to go!" Jaime exclaimed. "Melissa is definitely going to make a move on Joey if you stay home."

"So let her! I'm sick of having her watch my every move." Plus, Lauren supplied in her head, if Melissa made a move on Joey then at least that would help her get out of this whole mess. Even if it broke her heart in the process.

"Lauren, no, Melissa always gets whatever she wants, and it's about time someone put a stop to that. You get Joey. I'll make sure of it. I'm coming on that trip," Jaime told her firmly.

"Why would you do this to me Jaime?" she whined.

"Are you serious? Since you've been with Joey, I don't know Lauren, I've never seen you so happy. Why wouldn't you want to go?"

Lauren just sighed.

"Well, who are you going to go with then? Considering it's supposed to be a couples trip," Lauren asked in a last ditch effort to get out of it.

"Dylan actually asked me to go with him a week ago and I turned him down, but I'm sure he'll be willing to accept my change of heart."

Lauren tugged a cushion over her head and let out a muffled groan. She had no way out of this now.

That night after dinner, Julia came and sat down next to Lauren. They hadn't really spoken since the night Lauren came back from the party, just because they'd both been busy. Okay, maybe a little because Lauren had been avoiding to her. It was difficult enough to lie to her friends, but it was a whole other story with Julia.

"Lauren, I want to talk to you about Joey," she said.

Lauren jumped up from the couch. "You know, I should really finish packing for this ski trip, gotta be up super early in the morning so I'll probably go to bed when I'm done, goodnight!" she said in a rush, and practically ran into her bedroom.

She lay on her bed, arms over her face. Julia knocked, but Lauren put on some music and turned it up full volume. Julia clearly got the hint, because there was no sign of her for the rest of the night.

Lauren hated not talking to her, and she hated even more the thought of Julia thinking it was her fault. She wanted nothing more than to come clean about everything. But she'd let it go on for too long, and she was scared to tell her the truth now.

Not for the first time, Lauren wondered if this would ever end, or whether she and Joey had gotten themselves in over their heads.