Angels and demons

Woke up this morning like from a nightmare. only this time was for real. i tell you...this was creepy! 

Decided to calm down, looking at the bright side and still enjoy my day off. I went in the garden to have my coffee and savour the sun. We don't get much in London. When I was home I used to hate the heat, hot summer days. Now...I am craving for them. Took a blanket, a good book and some cold water..there I was...getting a tan in that small garden that became my piece of heaven. I was laying there, eyes closed hearing the wind cutting the grass. A butterfly landed fearlessly on my knee...felt his presence, so soft, barely there, touching me. I opened my eyes and I looked at it wondering if he knows he only has one day to live. Like hearing my thought, a bird landed close by, staring at the small amazingly coloured creature. Did she knew about the butterfly? I was trying not to move a muscle so the magic won't disappear, almost breathing...my entire self conscious about every single detail... nothing mattered in that moment. Nature was the ruler! I was just another creature admiring the beauty and power of it. It felt like I was the small one and they...the giants, the ones that mattered. My body was so hot, my knees, shoulders...every piece of me was burning...the sun was just doing his job, granting my wish. He was whispering, the wind being his voice: "I knew you wanted me. Here I am! Have me for a while and remember that happiness is in small things. They create magic!" - and magic they created. I didn't wanted to end. I wished to be trapped in that very second for a while so I can take it all in. As the bird flew up in the sky I turned my head and sow my old lovely bench...a spider was building his nest...so strong, so smart and complicated. I was watching him working hard, absorbed by it's never ending power. So determined to defend himself. Are we like that? Are we a mix of small creatures and their characteristics? Are some people spiders? Some snakes and some butterflies? 

I stayed there for two hours trying to figure out why do we forget these incredible feelings that we get when loosing ourselves in nature. I was so calm and peaceful like nothing mattered anymore...without any trace of sorrow or pain, without stress and all bad feelings we get from time to time. I completely forgot they exist. I had to make the most of it today. Had a warm shower, got dressed and headed towards my favourite place. I needed to stare at the Thames, to hear her calling and her energy. Just myself...forever lost in that crazy magical moment. For a few seconds I felt like crying but my tears weren't sad. They were emotions... just like when you dream of a fairytale, open your eyes and realize you are already in it. You are in the middle of everything you wanted. 

Never thought that finding something you really love makes you drunk with happiness. It took me a long time, stressful years and a big amount of courage to discover myself, to discern between what was good and what was bad for me. And now, when I finally got to know what relaxes me, I want to take it all, to feed myself with delight. Someone said once: you must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. Maybe this is what am I doing now. Maybe sometimes I prefer dreaming rather than facing the cruel reality we live in. I like hiding myself from everyone and everything, escape in my own universe and stay there for as much as i can, not carrying about anything around. Maybe it is a form of selfishness in a way but i finally learned that the most important person in my life is me. I still want to change the world, change bad people into good ones, turn everything around and dream of world peace but this doesn't stop me from just waiting for a few minutes, staring at my life and breath normally. 

I have been up for 15 hours and my eyes are closing slowly. Can't seem to get myself together and finish what I have started. Maybe tomorrow...after all...tomorrow is another day!

When it comes to the following day you never know what is around the corner. For some of us every day seems the same with the other but they forget to notice the small things that make the difference. No day is like another. The way you wake up in the morning, a phone call, a baby smiling at you so honest and innocent brightening up even the cloudiest of times, a text you have expected for a long time... a flower, a dress in the window or a pair of shoes that you so much want. These are details that can change everything in a second.