A Most Charming Prince

Eight: Mama and Papa

"My dearest lady," the knight said, taking her hand. A life-time of practicing the art of breathing in corsets was all that kept Madame on her feet at that point. "I am afraid I won't be up for much this evening, if you take my meaning. In fact, after I sup, I must tend to my steed, take a bath and retire to my chamber for mediation."

"Did he say take a bath?" asked Ruby, her brown eyes like a doe's in a carriage's lamplights.

"A bath," Madame repeated. "You will need someone to scrub your back."

"I volunteer as tribute," Belle shouted, and pushed her way to the front.

"I wouldn't dream of asking a lady to scrub my back. You must know I am well past childhood. My man-servant will do the trick."

"Trick? Why does he get to do the trick?" Aurora muttered.

"Wait, you're not up for much?" Nina squeaked from the back. "But, your destiny about our wildest dreams, you said..."

"My destiny will be accomplished on the eve of my 24th birthday, tomorrow evening. Tonight, I will meditate as is my habit from my years in the monastery."

"I've a got a nun's habit, should I put it on?" Vivi asked Madame.

"I've got a priest's robes and white candles for dripping hot wax on your nipp—" called Julia, finally waking up.

"Please. No one wants to hear about your candles," hissed Delilah.

"What was it you were saying earlier about your massive size?" asked Aurora.

"Yes," the knight said, "I am straight, tall and mighty as an oak, as the soothsayer foretold. Wide and powerful as an ox."

"Oh?" Belle whispered, leaning sideways to study his sitting form.

He stood. "But of course, although the chainmail and tunic disguise my true physique in part."

"But that hose really showcases your...the bulk of your...oh my..."

"Thigh muscles. You are right." He flexed one leg.

Thump. Belle was down.

Nigel cleared his throat. "Sir knight, why don't you take a few of these dumplings up to your room before tending your steed? Once there, perhaps they will help you with your ride, am I right?"

Despite the whiplash inducing nods around him, the knight remained unswayed. "Never. I enjoy my dumplings at the table, where I can eat them slowly and with relish."

The nods became more energetic. "Works for me!" shouted Julia. "One plump dumpling coming up!"

"Or how about a game of the Fox and the Rabbit?" asked Maggie, holding Julia back by her skirt.

"Yes! You'll be the fox and I'll be the rabbit you chase!" cried Vivi.

"No. I'm not familiar with that game."

"How about Shaboinking? Shucking the Oyster? Shooting Your Arrow in the Night?" Nigel asked.

"I excel at archery, but I've never heard of the others. Perhaps another time."

"Well, sir, being a knight and what-not, you surely know about storming the castle. Getting out the old battering ram, huh?"

"Obviously I have studied battle tactics extensively, but such a subject will not interest these gentle maidens."

Confused glances around the room for any gentle maidens. And... pan to close-up on Madame's expression changing to a mash-up of amazed horror and a glimmering understanding and then to Nigel shaking his head. He hated to be right.

"Good sir," Madame said slowly, "am I to understand you've never taken out Excalibur to see the Bearded Princess?"

"Mmm. No."

"Oh, my darling boy."

"Psst. I've got a Holy Grail up in my room," interrupted Nina. "Would you like to see—"

"He doesn't want to see your fake Holy Grail," said Aurora.

"Then he won't want to see your St. Andrew's cross," said Nina. "Or your riding crop."

Hair pulling might have commenced, but at that moment, Madame pushed the two apart. "My dear boy, tonight you'll continue your education with me. Now, I want you to call me Mama."

"Mama?" he asked, hand to his heart.

"Yes."

"Can this be?" the knight asked, wonder in his voice. "My own?"

She clasped him to her generous bosom. "Don't you worry about a thing. Mama will take care of you."

The knight tried to turn and face Nigel, alarmed.

"That's right," Nigel said. He held out his arms, and beckoned as if for a hug. "Now. Who's your papa?"

The knight clasped him in his arms.

*** What could possibly go wrong next? ***