Jalivia (Jacques Snicket+Olivia Caliban) ASOUE

Jacques Point of View (Chapter 12)

"So, children. As if this was feedback, on a scale of one to ten, how stressful is our family." I asked jokingly.

"Ten being...?" Klaus asked.

"The moment you arrived we were all nearly killed. The moment you two arrived, Kit went into labour."

"Was it a rhetorical question?" Violet asked.

"Somewhat." I responded with a laugh.

"Jacques?" Isadora asked. "What happened last night that made us have to move so quickly?"

"Isadora, you won't want to hear it. It's horrific and-" I tried to say.

"Jacques." Duncan said firmly. "We have had Olaf trap us at the bottom of an elevator shaft, and the Baudelaires were thrown down it. We need to know what happened."

Okay. I didn't want to tell them anything at all. I didn't want them to imagine it but I told them because they wanted to know.

"Olivia had a horrible dream so we went for a walk to help her calm down. Little did we know, Olaf had followed us the whole way there. He listened to the conversation and came to approach us. I told him that he would never be able to touch you, and he said that he could touch whatever he wanted, while touching Olivia rather innapropriately." I saw the kid's mouths drop open. "He pushed her against the wall and we managed to escape in the second his hands weren't on top of her. We slipped behind an alleyway but they blocked off both sides and threatened to kill us in front of each other. We slipped under the grate and ran through the secret passages. I tried to set fire to him but it turns out he fire proofed his body. His clothes set alight. We had to move to hide."

"It was terrifying." Olivia said, appearing in the doorway. "Breakfast is ready by the way." We stood up and followed her to the informal dining room. The table was filled with croissants, toast, eggs and tea. As people finished their food, they slowly left the room to get changed. Olivia and I were the only people left in the room. The kettle whistled.

"More tea?" I asked, walking to the kettle.

"Let me see your tea leaves." Olivia demanded.

"You read fortunes now?" I laughed.

"I'm a librarian. I read all sorts of things." She replied.

"What do they say?" I asked, stroking her hand.

"They say that you are a handsome man with a valid taxi licence." She said with a smile.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"It says the day when all of our enemies will be defeated is near." She confirmed.

"What then?" I winked. "Marriage? Children?"

"Who knows." She said, kissing me on the cheek. I felt terrible for not stopping Olaf sooner last night. He could have done so much worse.

"Are you okay now?" I asked, gripping to her hand.

"I will never be the same." She said sadly. "It could have been worse."

"I hope it never happens again." I said, brushing her hair behind her ear. "When will we marry?" I asked with a smile.

"Well, do you want it to be big and fancy, or done tonight?" She asked, her beautiful eyes wide open.

"What do you want?" I smiled.

"Let's get the papers from the bank." I picked up my spyglass and walked out of the front door with her.

"Jacqueline, I'm heading to the bank. Keep an eye from the sky." I shouted.

"Will do." She responded. We walked out of the door and I drew my spyglass.

"I feel a creeping sense of dread." I said, gripping onto Olivia's hand. She had become far more confident than me.

"Is it because I'm here?" Olaf snarled.

"Get back you miscreant!" Olivia yelled.

"You sound just like that orphan." Olaf chuckled. "The one that will be in my clutches."

"You won't be able to find them." I said frankly.

"You are in room 343." He said, eyes rolling. I pinched Olivia but her mouth was already fixed closed. We couldn't say where we were.

"Anyway, I will see their fortune soon!" Olaf said. We ran to the bank, collected the papers and ran back to the penthouse.

"Jacques Olaf is next door!" Jacqueline said.

"Yes, we need to lock the door and hide the children. I recommend any of the middle thirty five rooms. I don't think anyone should leave the house, especially alone, until we rid ourselves of him. We also need to get married tonight so...."

"Good for you." Jacqueline said rushed. "I didn't mean to say that!" She said turning around, apologetic.

"It's fine." I said. "Maybe it would be better for tomorrow morning. I have to prepare Lemony for his role." Olivia laughed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Let's move the kids." She said.

We walked into the kid's room, knocking on the door. Only Klaus and Isadora were in there. They screamed. We screamed. They had their clothes off and were together in one bed.

"Isadora Quagmire!" Olivia yelled.

"Klaus Baudelaire!" I yelled.

"You are thirteen!" Olivia yelled, covering her eyes. "Thirteen years old!"

"Get changed this instant!" I demanded. All the while, the children were throwing the duvet over themselves and trying to make it look like nothing had happened.

"I never want to see this from either of you two ever again!" Olivia said, hysterical that she had walked in on this.

"Can you get out?" Klaus pleaded. "Please?" We left the room, our brains scarred by the retaining image.

We walked past the room opposite. There were noises. Olivia face-palmed.

"These children. Why do they suddenly think that it is appropriate? They hardly know each other!"

"That is quite hypocritical." I murmered under my breath.

"True." She laughed.

"I have a question." I announced to her. "You know the tradition after marriage is to do what these thirteen year olds currently are doing?"

"Yes..." she said with a smile.

"Well, do you want to continue with the tradition?" I asked.

"Absolutely!" She said with a kiss.