The Supervillain Handbook

I'm sure you felt the urge to read this book as soon as you saw it. That strong magnetic pull towards the dark-side. Unfortunately for you, no, we do not have cookies. Whatever your reasons may be for choosing this book, I'm sure you must have some vague knowledge of evil? Well let's just get something straight. There is a difference between villains and supervillains. Supervillains are the ones that re-occur after multiple episodes and the hero just can't seem to defeat them. Villains are just 'one-night-stands'.

Contrary to popular belief, to in fact become a supervillain, you do not need to have motive. Of course you could have one, but that's just considered a bonus. For all I know, you could just be one of those psychos who have a murder fetish.

Essentially, if someone were to destroy your home planet as a child and send you off to another one, you might be headed for heroism rather than our side. Congrats! Just remember that heroism implies multiple booby-traps, death-rays and explosions may be faced towards you; not to mention that fabulous ass-hugging spandex! 

Another misconception about supervillains is that they come from unusually rich backgrounds, or they are pampered poodles of London. Supervillains can have any background. Hell, you could be shoveling shit in a monkey cage and still be a supervillain (a rather good reason to become one) We aren't biased. 

Ok kiddies, do you think you have what it takes to become a supervillain? Do you have that burning desire to see things explode? Well then your better off in the henchmen isle. Being a servant of evil takes a certain criteria.

For all of you who aim to become supervillains like Mommy and Daddy when you grow up, here is a check list!

1. A name by which you call yourself. Something that strikes fear into the hearts of your enemies and victims. A name that is cooler than that of your rivals! Something like Atomic Toilet Bowl is fine. Who wants to be flushed down a toilet? 

2. You need to have a base. Every supervillain needs his/her/its own base. All of your evil scheming will take place here so make sure to decorate it nicely with lots of harpoons and land-mines! AND FOR THE LOVE OF JOKER PUT IN A WORKING SECURITY SYSTEM! 

3. You need henchmen...unless your so super badass that you can replicate yourself. These are the scum that will do the dirty work for you. Of course, they must have a form of payment. Unless fear is enough to get them to work for you. My methods are a little unorthodox. 

These are the very basic essentials of a supervillain. So remember my little seeds of darkness, the road to supervillain-hood is a three-step plan away, and if not, there isn't a death-ray pointed at your loved ones. 

Oh and children, one more question.

Why so serious?