That Night

Chapter Sixteen

A/N: i couldn't find a better version on YouTube, but the song is "Worth My While," by Jacob Early. It's on Spotify and probably other platforms, too.

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The next few days, I returned to Dr. Huang's office after school. We went through my feelings piece by piece once I finally found a way to express them.

While I managed to do some thinking on my own, Alia did a better job of tying everything together.

"I think you had an idealized image of her in your head," Alia had said on Friday afternoon. "You wanted her to be this perfect girl, different from any other girl you knew. But then you treated her just like any other girl. You were mad at yourself mostly, but your feelings for her changed, and it was hard to cope with it. You were distracted by the idea of stolen innocence to realize the truth."

"Which is?" I asked, desperate for the answer.

"You simply hurt her," Alia replied with a sad smile. "She wasn't lost or broken. She was just hurt because she liked you, then you rejected her. You treated her like any other girl, so she felt like that's all she was to you."

Over the weekend, I sat with everything Alia said. If possible, I felt even more guilty than before. But at the same time, I had started to make sense of the situation. Alia gave me some tips for how to approach Juliet. She wouldn't tell me whether she thought it was a good idea to try to win Juliet back, but I knew I had to do it. The past several months had been torturous, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I never explained it all to her.

Alia also helped me find ways to manage my temper – the primary method being to cut Harrison out of my life. Gladly, I had told her. And it was working so far. I simply didn't talk to him, didn't sit next to him in class, didn't eat with him at lunch. When he tried to rile me up, I kept walking, counting to ten in my head and breathing steadily. She said these were small steps, but they could help in the moment.

It was a jampacked three days in that office. I fulfilled her suggestion of finishing out the week, but she told me it didn't need to stop there. I told her I'd take the weekend to consider continuing my sessions.

On Sunday morning, Mom and I sat in our favorite diner, enjoying a massive breakfast of unhealthy, carb-loaded, delicious foods. I wanted to treat her to whatever she wanted as thanks for her unwavering support.

"I think I've gained five pounds already," Mom said, laughing as she looked at all the food that remained on the table.

"Can't slow down now, Mom," I said, shoveling scrambled eggs into my mouth. "You know breakfast food isn't good reheated."

"That's true," she replied, stealing a piece of bacon from my plate. "This is really over-the-top, though. You didn't need to do this."

"Hey, don't argue when I'm paying," I laughed. "It was the least I could do."

Mom smiled warmly, placing her hand on my arm. "Dash, you don't need to repay me for being your mother."

I shook my head. "You've done so much more than that. I mean, compared to my father," I trailed off, knowing that bringing him up would only make me angry.

She sighed. "You deserve to be happy," she told me. "I'm sorry that he doesn't get that."

"It's fine," I replied tersely. "I just wanted to say that I appreciate everything you've done. I don't know what I'd do without you."