Adulting.
How do you know if you're actually doing it right? Is it about getting so busy at work that you don't have time to hang out with friends and have fun? It is about getting your own place and spending hours wallowing in loneliness? It is settling down with a significant other? Or maybe it's about being stable and enjoying your life despite of not having the old things that once brought you genuine happiness?
Kahit ano man sa mga yan, I am certain that I am doing it wrong.
I am France. Yeah, like the place but not as romantic. I am 24 years old, working as an Accounting Staff in a boring company. I do adult stuff that you probably don't wanna hear about. I can go on about reviewing invoices, checking requests and expense reports and you'll probably be asleep by the time I am done. I can't blame you, most of the time I'm at work I just want to close my eyes and dream of my teenage years instead. I do it sometimes but I just get really disappointed when I open my eyes and stuff that I should be doing but isn't done is looking back at me, casually laying on my desk.
Well, I still do the things I used to do when I was a young adult when the responsibilities then weren't as real as they are right now. I didn't have to work as stressful job just to have money to pay the bills and to be able to afford the luxury I enjoy. I still drink and party but I don't feel like how I felt when I was younger. Maraming nagbago pero madami ding mga bagay na nanatili sa akin. Magulo. Sa sobrang gulo, I can't tell which is which. Kung ano ang mga nagbago at kung ano nanatili sa buhay ko.
The sound of the keyboard clicking was my only companion through my overnight shift. Ewan ko ba kung tanga ba ako or wala lang talaga ako magawa sa buhay ko kasi ako lang ang nag-overnight shift. It is nice though. It's so peaceful to be alone in a place like this. No threats. Just cups of coffee and the nice melody of the "tac tac" of my keyboard. Or maybe I am just imagining it to avoid loneliness in a cold room that's full of computers and scattered papers on desks. I was about to continue what I was doing when I heard my phone ring.
"Anie is calling...."
And I answered.
"Ate, saan ka?" She asked. I can hear loud music on the background and I know exactly what she's doing and what she's about to propose.
"Work, overnight shift. Bakit?"
"Ano ba yan! Ang dami dami mo ng pera, pumunta ka na dito! Party tayo! Andito si Ammie. Daming pogi dito, grabe!"
"May trabaho pa eh." I chuckled. I stared at the unfinished papers in front of me and I sighed. When was the last time I felt genuinely happy? I can hear my cousin protesting from the other line, desperately asking me to show up at the place we used to party at. I chuckled and realized how much I missed our rebellious days when we used to sneak out at night and go home drunk only to be welcomed with screaming parents.
"Punta ka ba? Miss ka na namin ni Ammie."
"Okay, pupunta na 'ko."
Umuwi muna ako ng bahay para maligo, magbihis at mag-ayos. There's no way I am going there wearing slacks and an oversized white blouse that doesn't show the curve of my body. It felt new again to apply party make up instead of my usual office make up. I only drink and party with my officemates now and it gets boring sometimes so I don't bother putting on a glam look for people to see but tonight it's different, I am partying with my cousins and I haven't seen them for a year so I'm wishing tonight's gonna be a fun night. I chose to wear a yellow haltered dress with a a black light cardigan.
I was contemplating whether to bring my car or just commute but then I realized that I plan on getting wasted and probably would control my drinking because I know I'm gonna be driving home. Wow, I'm such a responsible adult. So I bid Lexa goodbye, my first car that I bought with my hard-earned money. I called an Uber instead. The traffic is light so I'll probably get there around 1AM.
