Tomorrow Holds Such Better Days

Let's Compare Scars, I'll tell You Whose is Worse

The look on her face made me really uncomfortable and I found myself pulling away like I always do. I get afraid that nobody cares and everyone thinks I’m disgusting so I distance myself from everyone, and Sam was no exception apparently. My hand slipped out of hers as the walls shot straight back up and my sleeve went down.

                I started to walk away, but this time she was the one who pulled me into a hug. We stood and hugged each other for such a long time that my arms started to hurt and we finally let go when the bell rang.

                “We have a lot to talk about. Do you think you can come over tonight instead of Friday?” Sam asked me. I agreed hesitantly and the rest of my classes were long and slow and I was assigned a ton of homework. I’m pretty sure my teachers were conspiring against me at this point, because I had about five hours to do. I should not have been in honors classes.

                Finding our bus was difficult with the lines of buses waiting outside the school but I finally managed to find it after walking around for a long time. I got on board and sat by Sam who was staring out the window, her headphones already in her ears. The sun, which was rare at this time of year, shone on her hair and caused it to take on a reddish hue. I decided to listen to my own iPod, and put on some Man Overboard to calm my nerves.

                We didn’t talk at all throughout the ride to her house, but about half way there I got inspired by the lyrics that was blasting in my ears and reached over and grabbed Sam’s hand. She didn’t even look at me as her soft hand intertwined with my own. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye every once and a while and every time I was astounded by how gorgeous she was. The faint freckles across the bridge of her nose were highlighted by the pale sunlight shining through the gray clouds.

                Sam stood up as the bus approached a neighborhood with houses that all looked the same. We got off and I followed silently as she walked toward a tan house with a neatly manicured lawn. She pulled a key from her backpack and unlocked the door, walking into a house with hardwood floors and furniture that looked like it was picked out by an interior decorator. The whole house seemed cold and impersonal, like an empty shell. There was nothing homey about this house, nothing that had a stamp that said people loved and cared about it.

                It was a sharp contrast to my own house that was so cozy when the weather was cold and wet. The familiar sounds of football on the TV, the smell of my mom cooking dinner and various candles lit, and the warmness of it all that radiated love. That was my favorite time of year and this house had none of that. I felt bad that Sam doesn’t have that sense of home.

                She threw her bag on the kitchen floor and sat down on one of the expensive looking couches that lined the walls of the room. I followed her and flinched as I realized how hard they were, a price that must be paid for how modern they look. I was deciding what to say when she spoke.

                “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” she asked. I was hoping it was going to be something personal or meaningful, but I hid my disappointment and politely declined. She got up and left the room, returning shortly with two Cokes. I smiled a grateful look at her even though I didn’t really want anything. She sat down and then suddenly stood back up again.

                “Do you want to go to my room?” she asked quickly, almost like she was afraid she would lose her nerve.

                I almost spit out the sip of Coke I just drank. “Uh sure,” I sputtered nervously. We walked up some spiral stairs that must be hard to navigate at night, coming to a long hallway. She walked down about ten feet, her boots making barely any noise on the plush white carpet, and opened a door. Walking into Sam’s room was like walking into Narnia after being in the stuffy old mansion.

                Instead of impersonal and cold, everything about her room screamed home to me. The dark purple of the walls made the room seem smaller than it actually was, but it was a warm feeling. She had pictures of bands on one wall, covering ten feet easily. I recognized almost all of them save a few who had to be less popular. Her bed was huge and had black and white bedding with geometric shapes and tons of pillows.

                “I love your room so much. I feel like I could spend hours in here,” I said to her. I inspected her book case which must have easily had a hundred books on it. I turned around to look at her, and she was blushing.

                “So uh, I guess there is no way to avoid the elephant in the room,” she said nervously. I laughed as I pulled out a book on elephants from her book shelf. She smiled and added, “The metaphorical one at least.”

                My smile faded and I sighed. “So how does this conversation get going then?”

                She looked as worried as I did and I reached out and hugged her. “Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot that someone knows about this because I have been keeping it to myself for a really long time. My friends think I’ve gotten better, but I really haven’t. So thank you again Anthony, for being my saving grace.”

                I stared at her completely in awe. I had no idea I was capable of having this much affect on someone’s life. “I’m really glad that I’ve helped you, although I’m not quite sure what I’ve done. It sucks when you have to keep everything inside, having it all build up until one day your emotions are a volcano that erupts after too many years of being dormant. I will always be here for you to talk to, alright? Never be afraid to tell me anything. Please,” I searched her eyes as I spoke, trying to show her I was being completely sincere.

                I looked down at her lips, thinking about how nice it would be to kiss her right now. I saw her eyes flick down to my lips and I made a subconscious decision to lean forward and gently press my lips against hers. It probably goes without saying that I have never actually kissed a girl before, and my moves were all pretty clumsy and awkward but because this was Sam, none of that mattered.

                We broke apart after a couple seconds and she stared up at me. “Uh, was that alright?” I asked nervously, afraid I had overstepped a boundary. She nodded shyly and hugged me for a moment before letting go and walking over to her bed to sitting down.

                “So, what now?” she asked, crossing her legs underneath herself.