Trust, Heal and Love

Epilogue

Epilogue

4 Years later

To say these last four years have been easy would be the understatement of the year. They were hard and constant battle of will and striving to find the good in my life. Conner has been by my side the whole time even when times became rough again.

During the first year after we got back from my old pack was hard. I fell back into old habits and it took almost a year to get back into the right mind frame I was before Derek ever got to me again. After we got back from the pack I didn’t eat or sleep. Whenever I was awake I became paranoid that Derek was lurking in the corner waiting to strike.

I wouldn’t let anyone touch me as simple skin to skin contact put me into a state of panic so bad that I had to be sedated many times. The only person I allowed near me was Conner and even then there were times when I would wake in the morning with his arms around me and I would freak out.

Throughout the first year I was constantly in and out of hospital as the doctors tried to get be better. It took months before the pain finally disappeared and the scars became evident on my pasty skin. Conner would tell me over and over I was beautiful, but I struggled to believe him every time he said it.

Every time I fell asleep I would wake up screaming from night terrors that woke up most of the pack house. During the first year there wasn’t much I could do for anyone. There would be days my depression got so bad I wouldn’t be able to leave the bed. I would spend weeks at a time in bed doing nothing, but breathing wishing my pain and suffering would just end.

It was during these weeks that I ended up in hospital with either trying to hurt myself or ending my life. About a month after Derek I almost succeed if it wasn’t for Karen you found me in the bottom of my bathtub. I spent nearly two months in hospital as they tried to get my mind back to what it used to be.

Conner would visit me every day brining Grace with him. I know he hated to see me like this and he found it hard himself that he started to see a doctor during the times I became bad.

Towards the end of the first year I found myself getting better and found myself slowly accepting the touch of people again. The pack was very understanding and never pushed me in trying to talk.

During the first year Conner would never leave my side. Whenever he did I would find myself panicking until he came back and I was in my arms.

It took a whole year until I was back in the right mind frame I was before Derek. It took a lot of work, but I got there eventually.

During the first half of the second year Felix asked me to join the pack. At first I was very hesitant, but after a few weeks I finally agreed. Grace was already part of the pack so the ceremony was held just for me. Felix got the pack to gather together in the backyard as he finally made me a member of the pack. The ceremony was short and afterwards everyone came up to me giving me hugs and congratulating me as a pack member.

I remember the look on Conner face as Felix accepted me as a pack member. He was bursting with pride as I put aside my fears and joined his pack.