And I've Thrown It All Away (Ziall Horlik boyxboy AU) **DISCONTINUED**

Prologue

I love you.

Three words. Eight Letters.

The biggest mistake of my life.

….

Zayn's POV

Blue eyes. Blonde Hair. Crooked teeth. Adorable smile. Musical Laugh. Cheeky personality.

These thoughts had been the only things circling in my head for the past year, and I could never figure out why. Up until a week ago, I was confused. But now, everything is crystal clear.

It's him.

It's always been him.

I don't know how I was so stupid as to not see it before. He's just too perfect. He's my little leprechaun, my Niall. If only he felt the same way.

Niall and I had been best friends since we were four. He had moved from Ireland with his family and was living across my street. We would spend all day together, playing and laughing and being little boys.

As we grew up, we went to the same schools, sat together at lunch and recess, we were just inseparable. We always referred to each other as our brother. But for some reason, whenever Niall called me his 'brother' I felt something inside of me. A pang of something uncomfortable, like pain?

When we were teenagers together, we often hung out at the park, kicking around a football, subtly watching out for potential girlfriends. But I was never really interested, I didn't share the same enthusiasm that Niall did. Every time he pointed out a girl, saying she was fit, I felt a different pang in my stomach, almost, jealousy?

I'm nineteen years old now, and I know why all of that bothered me. I know why I didn't want to be his brother. I knew why I was jealous of those girls. I know why I wasn't interested in scouting girls.

I want more than brotherhood. I want Niall to talk about me like that, think about me like that. I'm Gay.

And in love with Niall James Horan. 

But I told him.

That was not the brightest decision of my life, I'm sad to admit.

He ran.

He ran and never looked back.

Well, after shouting some intense insults at me of course.

Fag. Homo. Faggot. Disgusting.

The words circled around my head.

I cannot believe my sweet, innocent, adorable Niall said those things to me.

I can't believe he's homophobic.

I can't believe he doesn't love me back.