Choice

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Raining; it was raining.

The gloomy weather only brought my mood down even more if that’s even possible. 

I thought of this morning in my classroom thinking about how these were going to be my last classes in this school; in this lifetime.   I also remember not bothering to listen to the teacher talking (Not that I ever do) and instead focused on the soft rain starting to pelt the windows.

I remember my grandmother telling a 6 year old me that rain was the clouds of saying they weren’t happy, that the raindrops were their tears falling down on us, reminding us that even nature gets upset from time to time. 

In a way, we almost resembled clouds.  All the rain evaporating in the sky causes the rain to fall; all the problems piling into our heads causes our tears to fall. 

I also remember my grandmother telling me that no matter how much rain has fallen, it’s going to have to stop sooner or later.  Much like tears, they’re bound to stop falling soon, but as I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks landing on my torn up t-shirt and jeans and my worn out shoes, I know today they won’t stop until it’s over.

Today may be the day my tears are never ending, unlike rain.  Maybe if it was because I wanted to cry for the last time, just to realize that what I’m about to do is really about to happen; this isn’t a dream, this is reality.

I frantically wipe my tears as I slowly walk across keeping my gaze in front of me.  I reach across and grab the pole at the end.  It’s thick and is starting to rust, ruining the white paint on it. 

It was once brand new with a fresh coat of paint plastered on.  Now it was starting to rust and pieces of paint were chipping off.  It reminds me of myself; once clean and pure and now falling apart, piece by piece.

I wish I could say it was more emotional than physical, but it isn’t.  Others have harmed me emotionally, I’ve harmed myself physically.  Maybe I’m the monster in this situation; I’m doing the real harm.  The harm that could get you thrown into a Mental Hospital where all they do is give you pills and an uncomfortable bed with hundreds of questions in between.

Maybe if they’d stop to ask the real questions I wouldn’t be here.  Maybe I would be somewhere else, somewhere happier where I would be thanking God that my fate doesn’t rest here, that I have a reason to live.  But I don’t, and that’s the sad reality.

I control my breathing and force myself to close my eyes.

 I see my mom and dad.  I see the crazy glint in their eyes; the one that I’m so used to.  I see a bottle in their hands and know what’s coming.  I run into my room and lock the door.  My sister is sitting on my bed.  She’s with her husband.  I am so shocked I almost faint.  I haven’t seen her for years when they eloped in Paris.  She’s standing there with a victorious smile looking down on my as she always has.  I realize that’s she’s wearing medals and holding certificates and awards.  All the things I can never receive.  She’s about to say something, but before she gets to it, the door busts open and all of a sudden I’m cornered.  My mother, father and sister all are holding something sharp, and their coming towards me…

I open my eyes.  I’m not scared of them anymore.  I don’t need to be.  They can never hurt me, this is my escape and I can never come back.  I look down and see million of cars racing beneath me, probably to get home to see their families.  The lights of all the buildings are still shining despite the fact that it’s late at night. 

I realize that, although my time may be at its end, no one else’s time is.  Everyone else will eventually move on and I’ll just be a distant memory that won’t be important anymore.  No one will miss me.  I was there, and soon enough I won’t be anymore. 

I step forward until the tips of my shoes are no longer on the platform.  It’s time.   I don’t feel scared.  I know this is the right thing to do.  I feel so free.  I will no longer feel pain; my time is at its end.  I lift my arms up and my hair is being carelessly tossed around as the wind is blowing hard.  I bend forward.  This is it; this is it.

I shut my eyes tight, and feel the wind blow even stronger, and then, nothing.  Nothing.

 

 

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Hi there!  Okay, so this is just something I wrote for a writing contest thing a couple years ago, it's not very good, I just wanted to post something, heh heh :).  I may post a few stories here and there, so please follow me!  Please like this story as well, it gives me a lot of motivation to post my stories (I'm really into Mystery/Thriller)  I'm trying to write outside of my comfort zone, so the stories may not be the best, but they're just drafts, right?  Anyway, please give me chance, I'd really appreciate it! 

ALSO, THE COVER PICTURE IS NOT MINE, I FOUND IT ONLINE.  ALL I DID WAS PUT A WORD ON IT.  

 

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