Indomitable

f i f t y - t h r e e

Remi's hand found Killure's, intertwining with his fingers. He turned to her, surprised, but then his surprise melted away and revealed a hundred different emotions swimming in their stormy depths, just like snow melting away in the springtime to reveal everything beneath. Everything forgotten about, everything that had died, and everything new.

She could do no more than smile at him in return, willing all her emotions to convey themselves to him.

She had feelings for him. It had seemed so terrible and wrong and grotesque before when everything else mattered, but now, when her world was falling apart and so many people weren't who they said they were, everything she felt for Killure seemed just so right. In that moment, she didn't feel guilty when she looked at him and admired the fierceness inside his eyes, his lazy smile, churning stormy eyes, and the confidence that showed in every movement he made.

Remi closed her eyes, freezing him in that moment.

Shards of other memories flutter through her mind, all bleeding together. Memories she hadn't thought of in years and years, and most of which weren't overly significant or important.

Kareem's bouncy red curls and his goofy, toothy grin as he waddled up to her, holding an empty ink container in his hand, and a quill pen in another. He handed the pen and glass jar to her almost pridefully, then clasped his hands behind his back, turning to admire his artwork. Their father's brand new study was covered in the scrawls of a small child barely able to walk, but very capable of drawing random scribbles on the cream-coloured walls. This was only a year ago, and they'd repainted the study since.

Faye and Caede clasping hands and giggling as they ran ahead through the grassy green meadow, accented by beautiful flowers—maroon, teal, crimson, and cream. Their feet trampled down flowers and grass alike as they reached the pit of mud they often went to and swam in—as much as they could, at least. Remi was never invited, and they always said no when she asked them to take her with, so she had to sneak out of the house and trail silently behind them until they got to the mud pit. Once there, her four year old self sprung out from the pine trees and cannon-balled into the mud. Now Caede and Faye would have to play with her and take her with them! Otherwise, their aunt and father would be angry. She saw the annoyance on her cousin and sister's mud-covered faces slowly turn into resignation, and they waved her over to play with them.

Faye, Caede, and the mud pit faded away to reveal her father's face of soft edges and light stubble. He was younger than now. Tears were running out of his eyes, trailing down his cheeks, leaving tear stains as he pursed his lips sadly. Remi was standing on her own two feet, taking tentative steps forwards all by herself. Aunt Colleen was behind her father, tisking in annoyance at his eccentricity. He was wailing, going on and on about how his baby was growing up way too fast, and that soon she would be married and out of the house, putting herself in harm's way. He'd purposefully refrained from teaching her how to walk on her feet so that she would need his help getting around forever. However, Remi had seen everyone else walking on their two feet and had been practicing herself, not wanting to be left out of something that seemed so important.

Large hands grabbing her tiny waist and tossing her up in the air until she felt like she was flying, free as a bird, before catching her and tickling her belly until she was laughing so hard that she couldn't breath. Looking up into Falkor's face and seeing his curly strawberry hair dangling across his forehead, and a set of dimples accenting his wide smile. Her older brother always took time out of his day to play with her as a child. Riding on his back or his shoulders, playing in the sand of the beach, collecting pine cones, chasing squirrels—anything she set her mind to do, Falkor would do it with her without complaint. He'd been gone for a few years now, due to business on another island, and Remi would never get to see him again. The thought made her chest ache painfully.