YOU BETTER RUN

19. Broken Heart

Polina PoV

Nick propped himself on his elbow and looked at me. I lay on my stomach, feeling goosebumps appear all the way where Nick's hand was caressing my bare back.

- Poli, are you sure you wanna do this? - His voice was laced with worry and fear.

The same question he has asked me like a hundred times during the time we were here. I turned to lay on my side and put my hand on his cheek, looking directly into his blue, stormy eyes.

- I'm sure. I won't let you do this alone. Everything gonna be ok, why worry? - I tried to soothe him - Come on, don't be like this. Do you know how to call a sad strawberry? - I tried to lighten the mood. I waited for a second for his reaction. - A blueberry! - I exclaimed and began to laugh. Nick's lips curled a little and his eyes beamed with joy.

- This is supposed to be funny? - He asked with amusement, while I was laughing at my stupid joke - You're lucky you are sexy as hell, babe.

- Well, you have to berry with me - I pointed out and smiled again. I did my job, he's smiling.

- You're the worst. - He chuckled and kissed my nose.

I tried to keep my cool and calm, and not show him how scared I was. No, scratch that! I was terrified. But I knew if I showed Nick my hesitation, he wouldn't take me with him. And I can't let him do this alone.

He means so much to me, and I can't stand the thought that something bad could happen to him. No, not on my watch.

Today was The day. The day when a predator becomes a prey. We discussed our plan hundreds of times, we talked through all the possible developments. We were ready, I had no doubt about killing Richard White. And I justified my actions with my need for revenge.

The other thought that was bugging me, was about Nick and me. What would happen to us when we accomplish what we had planned? We didn't talk about this, avoiding the pink elephant in the room as much as we could.

Hell, there wasn't a thing as 'us' in a first place. I really tried to convince myself of this. I tried to reason with myself that it was just a fling. Fate brought us together to help each other and walk our separate ways after. But it was to no avail.

Every time he touched me, every time he looked in my eyes and kissed me, I felt it. I felt desperate desire for this to never end. I would risk my everything; I'd risk my life for 'us' to work out, to at least to try to be together for real. The real question, was Nick trying too?

- Nick, what will happen after this? - I asked, my voice hesitant and weak, and I hated myself for this.

I never was weak. But now, looking into his eyes, I saw his doubt. He tensed and moved away from me.

- What do you mean? - He asked sharply.

He stood from the bed and wore his boxers. Well shit, I knew it, he didn't feel the same way I was. I could stop pressing him for the answers, but something made me go on.

- You damn know what I meant. What will become of us?

- There's no us, Polina - he said abruptly, not even sparing me a glance.

I could swear I heard my heart shattered into pieces. I knew it, but it still hurt like a bitch.

- I'm no good for you, I'm a terrible person, my hands drip with blood, you're so much better than me, and you deserve someone worthy. - He tried to explain with a trace of sadness in his voice.

- Goddamn right, I deserve someone better than you, but ask me if I give a shit! I want you. - I said confidently. Nick shook his head:

- You will never be safe with me.