The gift

chapter 2

 A Morning of Half Smiles




      POLICE SERGEANT RAPHAEL O REILLY MOVED slowly and methodically
about the cramped staff kitchen of Howth Police Station, his mind going over and over the revelations of the morning. Known to others as Raphie, pronounced Ray-fee,he was fifty-nine years old and had one more year to go until his retirement. He' d never thought he d be looking forward to that day until the events of this morning had grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him upside down like a snow globe, forcing him to watch all his preconceptions sprinkle away. With every step he took he heard the crackle of his once-airtight beliefs under his boots. Of all the events and moments he had experienced in his forty-year career, what a morning this one had been. He spooned two heaps of instant coffee into his mug. The mug, shaped like an  squad car, had been brought back from New York by one of the boys at the station as his Christmas gift this year. He pretended the sight of it offended him, but secretly he found it comforting. Gripping it in his hands during the morning s Kris Kringle reveal, he d time-traveled back to a Christmas fifty years ago when he d received a toy police car from his parents. It was a gift he 'd cherished until he had abandoned it outside overnight and the rain had done enough rust damage to force his toy men into early retirement. He held the mug in hisforce his toy men into early retirement. He held the mug in his hands now, almost tempted to run it along the countertop making siren noises before crashing it into the bag of sugar, which would, incidentally, cascade into his mug. Instead, he checked around the kitchen to ensure he was alone and added half a teaspoon of sugar to his mug. Then, a little moreconfident, he coughed to disguise the crinkling sound of the sugar bag as he pushed his spoon down once again and quickly fired a heaping teaspoon into the mug. Having now gotten away with two spoons, he became cocky and reached into the bag one more time. Drop your weapon, sir, a female voice from the doorway called with authority. Startled by the sudden presence, Raphie jumped, the sugar from his spoon spilling all over the counter. It was a mug-on-sugar-bag pileup. Time to call for backup. Caught in the act, Raphie. His colleague Jessica joined him at the counter and whipped the spoon from his hand.She took a mug from the cupboard a Jessica Rabbit novelty mug, another comical Christmas gift and slid her namesake across the counter to him. Porcelain Jessica 's voluptuous breasts brushed against his car, and the boy in Raphie thought about how happy΄his men inside would be. I ll have one, too.

       Please, Raphie corrected her.

       Please, she imitated him, rolling her eyes.

      Jessica was a new recruit. She d joined the station just six months ago, and already Raphie had grown more than fond of her. He had a soft spot for the twenty-six-year-old, five-foot-four  athletic blonde who always seemed willing and able, no matter what her task was. He also felt she brought a much-needed feminine energy to the all-male team at the station. Many of the other men agreed, but not quite for the same reasons as Raphie. He saw her as the daughter he d never had. Or the daughter he 'd had, but lost. He shook that thought out of his head as he watched Jessica cleaning the spilled sugar from the counter. Despite her strong energy, her almond-shaped eyes such a dark
brown they were almost black buried something below. As though a top layer of soil had been freshly added, and pretty soon the weeds or whatever was decaying beneath would begin to show through. Her eyes held a mystery that he didn t much want to explore, but he knew that whatever it was, it drove her forward during those challenging times when most sensible people would go the opposite way. Half a spoon is hardly going to kill me, he added grumpily, after tasting his coffee, knowing that just one more spoonfulafter tasting his coffee, knowing that just one more spoonful would have made it perfect.

     Are you actually trying to give yourself another heart attack?


      Raphie reddened. It was a heart murmur, Jessica, nothing more,
and keep your voice down, he hissed.

       You should be resting, she said more quietly.

       The doctor said I was perfectly normal.

       Then the doctor needs his head checked. You ve never been
perfectly normal.

       You ve only known me six months, he grumbled.

       Longest six months of my life, she scoffed. Okay then, pass
me your mug, you can have the brown, she said, feeling guilty.
She shoveled a spoon into the brown sugar bag and emptied a
heaped spoonful into his coffee.

       Brown bread, brown rice, brown this, brown that. I remember a
time when my life was in Technicolor.

       I bet you can remember a time when you could see your feet when
you looked down, too, she said without a second s thought. In an effort to dissolve the sugar in his mug completely, she
stirred the spoon so hard that a portal of spinning liquid
appeared in the center. Raphie watched it and wondered: If he
dived into that mug, where would it take him?

       If you die drinking this, don t blame me, she said, passing
the coffee back to him.

       If I do, I ll haunt you until the day you die.

      She smiled, but the light of it never reached her eyes, fading
somewhere between her lips and the bridge of her nose.

      He watched the portal in his mug begin to die down, his chance of leaping into another world disappearing fast along with the coffee s steam. Yes, it had been one hell of a morning. Not much of a morning for smiles. Or maybe it was. A morning for half smiles, perhaps. He couldn t decide. Raphie handed Jessica her mug of steaming coffee black with no sugar, just as she liked and they both leaned against the countertop, facing each other, their lips blowing on their coffee, their feet touching the ground, their minds in the clouds.  He studied Jessica, her hands wrapped around the mug s cartoon figure as she stared intently into her coffee as though it were a crystal ball. How he wished it was; how he wished they had thecrystal ball. How he wished it was; how he wished they had the gift of foresight to stop so many of the things they witnessed every day. Her cheeks were pale, a light red rim around her eyes the only giveaway to the morning they d had.

       Some morning, eh, kiddo?

      Those almond-shaped eyes glistened, but she stopped herself and
hardened. She nodded and swallowed the coffee in response. He
could tell by her attempt to hide the grimace that it burned, but
she took another sip as if in defiance. Standing up even against
the coffee.

       My first Christmas Day on duty, I played chess with the
sergeant for the entire shift, he said.

      She finally spoke. Lucky you.

       Yeah. He nodded, remembering. Didn t see it that way at
the time, though. Was hoping for plenty of action.

      Forty years later he d gotten what he d hoped for, and now he
wanted to give it back. Return the gift. Get his time refunded.

       You win?

      He snapped out of his trance. Win what?

       The chess game.

 No, he chuckled. Let the sergeant win.

      She ruffled her nose. You wouldn t see me letting you win.

       I wouldn t doubt it for a second.

      Guessing his coffee had now cooled to the right temperature,
Raphie finally took a sip. He immediately clutched at his throat,
coughing and sputtering, feigning death and knowing immediately
that despite his best efforts to lift the mood, it was in poor
taste.

      Jessica merely raised an eyebrow and continued sipping.

      He chuckled softly before the silence continued.

      Then, You ll be okay, he assured her.

      She nodded again and responded curtly, as though she already
knew. Yep. You call Mary?

      He nodded. Straight away. She s with her sister. A seasonal
lie, a white lie for a white Christmas. You call anyone?

      She nodded but averted her gaze, not offering more, never
offering more. Did you, em& did you tell her? 
    No. No.

       Will you?

      He gazed into the distance. I don t know. Will you tell
anyone?

      She shrugged, her look as unreadable as always. Then she nodded
down the hall at the holding room. The Turkey Boy is still
waiting in there.

      Raphie sighed. What a waste. Of a life or of his own time, he
didn t make clear. He s one that could do with knowing.

      Jessica paused just before taking another sip, and fixed those
near-black almond-shaped eyes on him from above the rim of the
mug. Her voice was as solid as faith in a nunnery, so firm and
devoid of all doubt that he didn t have to question her
certainty.

       Tell him, she said firmly. If we never tell anybody else in
our lives, at least let s tell him.